Lose Your Way
by TuesdayGirl
Summary: The year is 1996 and instead of moving to Sunnydale after the death of Merrick, Buffy's first watcher, she stays in LA. Still, somehow Spike, Willow, Xander, Giles and the rest of the scoobies manage to enter her life, and change it forever. Pairing: Buf
1. Meetings and Greetings

__

**_Lose Your Way_**_  
Written and performed by Sophie B. Hawkins   
  
I have no confidence   
And I can't see why I should   
But I could do most anything for you   
And you know I would   
  
I try too hard and   
Then I give up way too easily   
I'm the runner-up inside of you   
And you're the winner inside of me   
  
(chorus)  
Lose your way  
And I will follow  
Here today  
And here tomorrow  
Like my freedom I know  
I'll never let you go  
  
I still wish on the evening star  
And I s'pose I always will  
Every child loses something  
A whole life can't fulfill  
And when you cry I feel the sky  
Burst open in my veins  
If loving you makes a slave of me  
Then I'll spend my whole life in chains  
  
Lose your way  
And I will follow  
Here today  
And here tomorrow  
Like my freedom I know  
I'll never let you go.  
  
Walk the line  
I'll walk inside you  
Change your mind  
Let your love decide you  
It's the reason I know  
You'll never let me go  
  
Never let me go.   
Lose your way  
And I will follow  
Here today  
And here tomorrow  
Like my freedom I know  
I'll never let you go.  
  
  
Walk the line   
I'll walk inside you   
Change your mind,   
Let your love decide you   
  
It's the reason I know   
You'll never let me go._

            Buffy made her way through rows of tombstones.  A stake that Xander had whittled for her was firmly clutched in one hand.  She was dressed in standard slaying attire…a pair of tight fitting jeans and a long sleeve shirt.  An oversized leather duster fell to the petite slayer's ankles.  Its familiar aroma provided comfort for the Slayer on lonely nights of patrolling.  It had been four months since the owner of the leather duster had worn it.  Still, the duster carried his scent.  The scent of cigarette smoke, a cool night breeze, and the faint lingering of vanilla--her scent.  The scent that had become part of his just as the Vampire's leather duster had become a trademark Buffy coat.  The Slayer made herself comfortable on a tombstone of the Apple family and thought back to the first time she had seen the coat's owner wearing his duster.  The first time she had fallen in love.

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_            The Slayer patrolled Mount Sharon cemetery.  The night was dead….literally.  It had been slow the past couple of weeks.  Partly due to the approach of summer, which always meant that vampire's tended to migrate to places that stayed darker longer, and partly because just a few weeks before the slayer had defeated a master.  News of her victory had sent fledglings running, and deterred many vamps from entering LA._

_            Buffy took a seat on top of a random tombstone, waiting for a sign of unlife.  It came in the form of him._

_"Well hello love," A deep voice coming from behind the slayer said.  Buffy hopped off the tombstone she had been sitting on and whipped her head around so that she was facing the voice.  "Out for a stroll?" The owner of the voice questioned conversationally._

_            He was gorgeous.  Even knowing that he was a demon the slayer couldn't help but admire him.  His hair was bleached blonde, so light it was almost white, his cerulean blue eyes matched the hair perfectly, offsetting its pale color.  Buffy's eyes moved downwards and stared at the vampire's well defined cheekbones.  His abs, hidden beneath a flowing leather duster and tight black shirt were obviously well defined, as were his arms.  The vampire wore loose fitting back jeans and combat boots.  A cigarette dangling from between pale, pink lips completed the ensemble.  But it was more than just his sleek body that Buffy found herself drawn too.  The vampire radiated power.  It wafted off him as if traveling with the cloud of cigarette smoke that he blew.  The slayer's musing was interrupted when the vampire spoke._

_"So are you going to stare all night love, or are we going to fight?" Spike asked conversationally.  However, in truth he didn't mind the slayer's staring one bit, as he had been doing the same.  He wasn't confused by his reaction to the petite blonde.  It was perfectly normal.  He hadn't been with a woman since Drusillia, his dark goddess, and the slayer was pretty enough.  Blonde hair fell in waves below her shoulders, framing an angelic face complete with hazel eyes and slightly rosy cheeks.  However, he was tired of looking.  Rumors of the slayer's power had traveled all the way to England, where Spike had been staying.  Normally he wouldn't have bothered listening to the talk.  However, tales of his slayer intrigued him.  It was rare that a slayer with only one year of experience survived a fight with a master vampire.  Hell, it was rare that a slayer lasted a year.  A feat that Spike was certain he would end on this night._

_"So, what's your name?" Buffy asked the vampire, getting into fighting position and watching as the demon did the same.  Tossing his cigarette onto the ground and crushing it with the heel of his boot._

_"Does it really matter?  Unless, that is, you're planning to say goodbye to me before you die.  And in that case, you can call me Spike," The bleached blonde answered._

_"Spike…well that names a real winner," Buffy said sarcastically._

_"Can we get to the fighting all ready, love?  You see it's not that I don't love the banter.  It's just that I came here with the intention of finishing you off and returning to merry old England.  And as you can see," Spike said, looking towards the quickly lightening sky," it's going to be sunrise soon.  I'd hate to turn to ashes right after I drain you."_

_"Not a problem.  You can turn to ashes now," The slayer said.  And that was that.  The banter portion of the fight was over and the slayer lunged at Spike with all the strength she possessed at this hour of the morning._

_            Spike was surprised.  He had expected the fight to be over quickly.  After all, he was a one hundred twenty master vampire.  Not the oldest, but certainly quite powerful…especially considering his age.  However, the slayer was quite good.  She blocked his punches and rebounded quickly from his kicks, as well as landing a few well-placed blows of her own.  One kick to his midsection had the vampire reeling backwards.  He took that opportunity to take off his leather duster and toss it onto a nearby tombstone._

_"Thank god," Buffy said, as she saw his action._

_"What?" Spike asked, coming at the slayer again with a punch to her face._

_"I've been trying to figure out how to stake you as well as get your coat off.  Now that's not an issue."_

_"Oh don't worry, love.  Don't worry your pretty little head about staking me.  In a few minutes it's going to be a moot point anyway," Spike ground out with more bravado then he actually felt.  In truth, the fight was going nowhere.  Each fighter managed to hold their own, and most punches and kicks were blocked.  Only a few had landed in the entire time that they had been fighting._

_            Spike looked up and saw the sky turning a shade of pale pink.  While Buffy was recovering from a kick that he had landed the vampire grabbed his duster from where he had flung it and began walking backwards, so that he faced the slayer the entire time._

_"Sorry I can't stay, love.  We'll have to do this again sometime," Spike said._

_"What?  I tire you out?"  Buffy asked with a snort, oblivious to the daylight creeping over Los Angelus._

_"Not exactly.  I just prefer to do my fighting at night.  Don't worry slayer, we'll finish this.  I've still got a coat you want…and you still have something I want," Spike said._

_"Yeah…what's that?" Buffy screamed at Spike's retreating form.  The vampire was now far enough that he was not in danger of being staked from behind, so he turned and continued walking away._

_"If you don't know what I want…you have no business asking." Spike said, smirking slightly, though all the slayer saw was his back._

_"Bastard," Buffy mumbled, walking back to her home, knowing that if her mother realized she had been out there would be hell to pay.  It wasn't until she was safely in her bed that the slayer realized something interesting about the fight.  Spike hadn't changed into game face the entire time._

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	2. Training Room Dialogue

Can the ocean keep from rushing to the shore?  
It's just impossible.  
If I had you could I ever ask for more?  
It's just impossible.  
And tomorrow, should you ask me for the world  
Somehow I'd get it,  
I would sell my very soul And not regret it  
For to live without your love  
Is just impossible

From "It's Impossible", a song by Perry Cuomo lyrics by Sid Wayne

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_            Buffy unleashed a series of punches and kicks at the punching bad in the corner of the community gym.  There was only about an hour until closing time so the gym was almost completely devoid of people.  That's why Buffy heard Spike approaching._

_            The slayer didn't turn, she merely continued her assault on the punching bag, speaking to Spike with her back turned to him._

_"How'd you find me?" Buffy asked._

_"Had a little chat with your mum.  She was kind enough to invite me inside for a cup of cocoa," Spike said.  This caused Buffy to turn, her hazel eyes widening in panic.  Spike picked up on her fear and realized the cause.  "Don't worry slayer.  I didn't hurt your mum--not my style.  She's decent people,  no need to kill her."_

_"Thank you," Buffy murmured, looking down at her bare feet._

_            Spike fidgeted slightly, fighting off the urge to light a cigarette._

_"Shall we fight?" He asked conversationally, after a moment._

_"Yeah, I guess," Buffy said, pulling a stake from the waistband of her yoga pants.  She took a minute to notice that Spike was dressed in the same attire that he had been yesterday.  As Buffy crouched into fighting position Spike shrugged off his black duster and threw it carelessly aside._

_            The fight began with full concentration on both sides.  Like yesterday, the fight began with both competitors equally matched.  However, after about fifteen minutes Spike's experience and fighting skills shone through.  After all, he was a one-hundred year old master vampire.  And she was a watcher-less slayer with one year's experience.  Spike had pinned the slayer's arms by the side of her head, and was straddling her waist._

_"Now this is just pathetic….what would your watcher say?" Spike asked mockingly._

_"I don't have a watcher," Buffy ground out, wriggling against Spike's tight hold on her.  That comment caught the vampire off-guard and he loosened his hold slightly.  Not enough to allow the slayer to escape, but enough to let her know he wanted her to continued talking.  "He died earlier this year," Buffy explained, hoping that Spike didn't question her further._

_"I can tell," Spike said softly, loosening his hold on the slayer even more.  In fact, he completely relinquished his hold on her arms and was simply sitting on the slayer, positioned slightly below her hip.  "You're kicks are good.  But your punches, they need work."_

_"What?" Buffy asked incredulously.  It was one thing for an enemy to mock her fighting technique, but it was entirely another for a master vampire to ignore the fact that he could have gone for a kill, and instead give helpful tips on fighting._

_"You're punches.  They need work.  Here, let me show you," The vampire offered, removing himself from the slayer and stretching out a hand for Buffy to grab.  The slayer ignored it, getting to her feet on her own and watching with interest as Spike kicked off his combat boots and stood next to Buffy, barefoot on the mats next to the punching bag._

_"You punch like this," Spike explained, punching the bag.  However, he didn't simply punch it, he rotated his entire body forward.  "You open up your body to an attack.  Then, once you take a punch or kick to the stomach, you don't rebound."_

_Thoroughly confused, the slayer ventured a tentative "what should I do?"_

_"When you punch you want to immediately turn your body.  Only for a brief second should your stomach be exposed.  It's important to rotate, as it does add power, but then you want to turn back so that you can avoid getting hit," The vampire explained, demonstrating the correct way to punch._

_            Buffy was about to attempt the kind of punch Spike had shown her, when the manager of the gym came in and asked them to leave._

_"Oh my god, it's eleven o'clock!" Buffy said, hurrying to put on her sandals._

_"So what?" Spike asked._

_"My mom is going to kill me.  I told her I'd be home by ten."  Buffy fled from the gym without so much as a backward glance.  Leaving Spike standing next to a still swinging punching bag._

_            That morning the vampire found it hard to sleep.  He wished for the first time in ages to be able to go outside during the day.  After all, he couldn't help but wonder what the slayer would look like in the sun.  Hair shinning, eyes sparkling.  Creamy expanse of skin for him to run his hand over…Spike drifted off into a dream-filled sleep._

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	3. Karma

*Hey everyone, just a little note before I get started…reviews are VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!  And, as always, thanks to my beta Colleen*

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.   
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.  
THAT'S relativity."  
~Albert Einstein Quotes~

            "Hey Buffster, it's your early morning wakeup call," Xander's cheery voice said.  Buffy's response was a groan into the telephone receiver.

"Why are you calling me this early?"  The slayer asked her best friend.

"You have a class in an hour and Willow knew that you'd sleep late," Xander explained.

"What class?" The slayer asked, rubbing her eyes and yawning, the telephone receiver firmly tucked against her chin and shoulder.

"Poetry.  I think the whole class is devoted to studying Shakespearean sonnets," Xander said.

"And how do you know all of this…non college boy?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Willow knew you'd ask," Xander replied, smirking from his bedroom, where he sat, making the call.

"Well, I better get ready.  I love sonnets, so this class should be fun," Buffy said.

"You love poetry?  Since when?" Xander asked.  Buffy paused and Xander clamped a hand over his mouth.

Willow had warned him about this.  After instructing Xander to call Buffy and wake her up she had warned him that her only class of the day was poetry, a class that held great reminders of the slayer's vampire lover.  

"I'm sorry Buffster.  I didn't mean to-" Xander began.  However, the slayer cut him off.

"You know, I really need to go.  I'll meet you at the shop after my class though," Buffy said.

"Yeah…okay.  Are you sure you're…."  Xander trailed off when he heard the sound of Buffy turning off her cordless phone.  "Damn," Xander cursed himself, picturing all too well the sight that Buffy would make.

            It was the slayer's first year of college and she owned an apartment by the campus.  She had been getting better.  The times when she would stare off into space were becoming less and less frequent.  However, both Willow and Xander knew that the transition into the real world, from a summer of relaxation would be hard.  After all, everything Buffy did seemed to hold memories of him…

            Buffy sat at a table at Karma, a local dance club that most teenagers went to after school.  Buffy remembered times when she and her friends would go dancing every afternoon, not coming home until the club closed at two o'clock.  However, last year, when she had begun slaying her friendships had ended, she hadn't had time.  It wasn't much of a loss, the slayer learned to treat herself as an individual and realized that she didn't fit in with the popular girls that she used to lead, and now mocked her.  Still, sometimes it would be nice to have some companionship.  Sighing, Buffy concentrated on the poetry book in front of her.  It was a book of Shakespearean sonnets and she hated every one of them.  They made no sense!  They were like….

_"So…not out patrolling tonight, I see," A familiar voice said._

_"What do you want Spike?" Buffy asked, not looking up from her book.  She knew that Spike wouldn't kill her here.  For some reason this vampire seemed to feel the need to have a good, clean, fight.  Both of the times they'd fought it had been more like sparring, each getting into fighting position.  Most graveyard attacks were surprises._

_"Poetry, that's interesting," The vampire said, ignoring Buffy's question and taking an empty seat across from the slayer._

_"Not to me," Buffy admitted, closing the poetry book with an exasperated sigh._

_"Let's have a look," Spike suggested, pulling his chair around the table so he was next to Buffy.  The slayer eyed him warily but said nothing.  Spike took the poetry book from the table and glanced at the title for a moment, saying nothing.  Then he began flipping through the pages.  After a several minutes of silence Spike placed the book of sonnets gently on the table.  Buffy glanced down at the page that Spike had opened the book too._

_            On the left page there was a black and white illustration of Shakespeare, crouched over a writing desk.  On the right was Sonnet 130_

_"What is it?" Buffy asked, wrinkling her nose.  Spike rolled his eyes._

_"Sonnet 130…one of Shakespeare's most controversial sonnets…." Spike said, trailing off.  "Good god, does that school of yours teach you anything?" The vampire asked after a moment.  Buffy gave the vampire a blank look and he spoke once more.  "Start reading."_

_"Um…ok," Buffy said, leaning over the book._

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;   
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;   
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;   
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.   
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,   
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;   
And in some perfumes is there more delight   
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.   
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know   
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;   
I grant I never saw a goddess go;   
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.   
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare   
As any she belied with false compare"  The slayer read in a monotone voice.  She then looked at Spike expectantly.  The vampire had closed his eyes and a grimace was firmly planted on his face.

"What are you doing?" The vampire asked.

"Reading the sonnet," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"That was not reading the sonnet, that was murdering the sonnet!" Spike cried, flinging his hands into the air and not caring that he was attracting the attention of everyone dancing near him.

"I'm out of here," Buffy said, rolling her eyes and standing.  The slayer began to gather the few books she had.  However, as soon as she reached for the book of sonnets Spike stopped her by placing a hand on her arm.

"Don't go.  I'm sorry," he said softly.  Too shocked to speak the slayer sat down once more.

"When you read this sonnet you have to read it with an understanding of what the author is feeling.  Now, do you have any idea what this sonnet is about?" Spike asked Buffy patiently.

"No," The slayer grumbled.

"Sure you do, look at it again," The vampire coaxed.  Buffy reread the sonnet, a look of total concentration on her face the entire time.

"Love,: The slayer said after a moment.  "The man writing the poem-"

"-Sonnet," Spike corrected.

"Is obviously in love with a woman.  But it's not like a normal love.  He's saying how his love for her is so pure and so powerful that it overcomes reason.  He's being perfectly honest with her, telling her exactly how he feels.  But he's telling her that it doesn't make his love any less real.  In fact, he thinks….knows….that by telling her he's ensuring that their love lasts.  It doesn't matter who they are.  All we know about the poem is that they're a man and a woman.  They could be complete opposites.  They could be like a…."  Buffy trailed off and Spike spoke,

"…vampire and a slayer."

"What?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"I just mean that for all we know the couple could be as different as a vampire and a slayer," Spike explained.

Buffy looked up at Spike for the first time since she had begun analyzing the sonnet.  His eyes looked strait into hers and she was overcome with the urge to pull him to her and crush her lips to his.  After what seemed like hours of simply staring at one another Spike spoke.

"You should be going home."

"What?" Buffy asked, still mesmerized by Spike's eyes.  They were the kind of eyes, Buffy noted, that a girl could lose herself in.

"Come on love, I'll walk you home," Spike whispered.  He stood and Buffy did the same.  Exiting Karma together the pair set off in silence towards the slayer's home.  They reached her back porch and Buffy searched her bag for a key, finally finding one and pulling it out with a triumphant smile.  The slayer paused for a moment before entering her house

_"I just want to say thank you.  For everything, especially for helping me with the sonnet though.  I mean, school's almost over and our entire final is going to be on the sonnets.  I kind of get them now," Buffy said._

_"Slayer," Spike said as Buffy turned the key in the lock, preparing to go inside._

_"You're punches…they still suck."  Buffy looked at Spike, one eyebrow raised._

_"You think you can do something about that?" She asked, the hint of a challenge in her eyes._

_"Oh yeah slayer, I definitely think I can.  Tomorrow.  Eight o'clock, meet me at the gym and I'll show you what real fighting is about," Spike promised the slayer.  He locked eyes with her and suddenly found himself moving toward her, lips descending on hers.  Buffy closed her eyes and tilted her head expectantly.  However, Spike's lips never reached hers, instead, they landed on her forehead.  Planting a firm kiss there.  "Sleep well love," Spike said._

_"Yeah," Buffy whispered, trying not to let her disappointment show.  "See you tomorrow."_

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	4. Sonnets

_Just to let everyone know, sometimes the italics are a little messed up.  It's not my fault, that's just how it is.  You're all smart enough to figure out what is the past and present (I hope).  Basically, anything with Spike in it is the past (for now)._

_To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead._

_~Bertrand Russell_

            Buffy had barely made it through her class on sonnets without breaking into tears.  She contemplated dropping the class, however, one look at the book of sonnet's Spike had gotten her, gave the slayer the strength to make it through the class.  Spike never would have wanted her to give up.  And anyway, he was coming for her.  He had promised.

            Buffy pushed thoughts of Spike from her mind as she entered the bookstore.  Giles had opened the shop when he had married Jenny Calendar.  They had been married for about two years and their marriage, as well as the shop flourished.  A small training room in the back of the shop was where she and Giles dealt with slayer things.

            A bell sounded as Buffy entered the shop and Giles looked up for a moment to see if it was a costumer.  Spotting Buffy he went back to his work.

"Feeling the love in this room," The slayer said sarcastically, receiving a grunt from Giles, who seemed to be deeply immersed in his work.  "I'm gonna' go in the back and start training.  If Xander gets here tell him I'm waiting for him," Buffy said.  Giles nodded and the slayer made her way to the training room.

            Despite what she had said earlier the training room was not tiny.  Though smaller than the gym that she and Spike had used in LA, it was an OK size.  There was a small bathroom with a shower in the corner.  Buffy kept a supply of both training clothes and street clothes in it.  The actual training part of the room was a floor completely covered in mats.  A chest of stakes, knives, swords, and other weaponry was in the corner, and two dummyies were set up along one of the wall.  A little off center in the room was a punching bag chained to the ceiling.  Off center in the other direction was a vault.  Stacked in the corner were yoga mats that could be put down for extra padding if the slayer was trying something new.

            Changed into training attire and ready to go the slayer began attacking the punching bag, waiting for Xander to come from his internship at the Sunnydale Times.  When he finished he would get into his puffy suit and the slayer would attack him.  Punching the bag Buffy thought back to her and Spike's first training session.

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_            "Spike!" Buffy called into the darkened gym.  As the slayer had approached the gym she had remembered that it wasn't open on Tuesday's.  However, upon finding the door unlocked she went inside to the darkened gym.  Reaching for the stake that was tucked into the back pocket of her black sweatpants the slayer crouched down, preparing for an attack.  Her heart sunk at the thought that Spike had led her here as a trick.  However, she didn't have time to contemplate that as someone jumped out of the shadows and launched themselves at the slayer.  Rolling with her they finally came to a stop and Buffy looked up to see Spike on top of her in game face._

_"You would be dead right now," The vampire said._

_"No, you would," Buffy corrected him.  It was then that Spike looked down and saw a stake, pointed towards his heart, firmly clutched in the slayer's hand.  If Spike's had gone for the kill he would have found a stake embedded in his heart._

_"Fine," Spike said, changing out of game face and getting off the slayer.  "So you have a few tricks up your sleeves.  But if you want to survive you have to be aware.  If I had been with more vamps you would have been dead."_

_"But I'm not dead," Buffy said, getting to her feet and walking at Spike did the same._

_"You need to be more aware of what's going on around you, Spike said.  He walked over to the light and turned it on for a moment.  However, as soon as Buffy's eyes adjusted to the light he turned it off once more._

_            The slayer blinked several times, readjusting to the darkness before she noticed that Spike had disappeared._

_"Spike…" She whispered nervously._

_"Here slayer," Spike replied.  Buffy whipped her head around to where she heard the sound coming from.  However, Spike had already moved from that location and used that moment when the slayer wasn't concentrating to spring from behind and tackle her to the ground.  Spike was thrown off and the fight began._

_            Buffy's punches had improved, Spike noted, pleased.  And her focus was unwavering.  However, if Spike were to move more that just a few steps in any direction Buffy seemed to have a hard time focusing on him._

_"Use your slayer senses," Spike suggested, throwing two punches that send Buffy stumbling backwards.  "Concentrate and feel them reaching out to me.  You should be perfectly aware of me, and not just the fact that I'm a vampire.  Every vampire has their own scent.  Your slayer senses should be able to distinguish me from a random vamp you've never come across," Spike chided.  Buffy took his words in and made her way to the center of the room, knowing that Spike was still on the outskirts.  Taking one shoe off the slayer stood still.  She could feel her sense humming, a sign that there was a vampire around.  Furthering her concentration the slayer could feel herself being drawn to Spike.  Usually her slayer senses warned her to get away.  However, her body unconsciously reacted to Spike and she felt the need to be close to him.  Honing in on that need she followed the feeling with her mind and once she had pinpointed Spike's location, as well as the direction he was traveling in she flung her shoe towards him.  It landed on his forehead and the surprised vampire stumbling backwards, clutching his head and muttering obscenities under his breath._

_            Buffy found the light switch and turned it on, smiling at the picture the vampire made._

_"See ya same time tomorrow," She said cheerfully turning and skipping out the door of the gym.  She had some patrolling to do._

_************************************************************************************************_

Buffy had finished training and patrolling and was looking forward to climbing into her warm bed and never getting out.  However, as always something got in the way.  Dressed in a sports bra and Scooby Doo boxers, hair still wet from her shower, the slayer climbed into bed.  This time what deterred her from sleep wasn't an apocalypse…it was worse.  All she could think about was him.

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	5. Sweet Dreams

_There is no remedy for love but to love more.___

**_Henry David Thoreau_**__

_Buffy awoke to the sound of tapping at her window.  Groggily checking the time on her alarm clock she stumbled to the window and opened it._

_"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked Spike, who sat on the roof outside her window._

_"The place I live in is being searched--the cops think there are drugs hidden in it.  Unless I wanted to try and explain my sun allergy to LA's finest, I thought I better clear out._

_"And what do you want me to do about it at two AM?" Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow and putting her hands on her hips in a stance that let Spike know that he would need to beg._

_"Please slayer, let me crash here.  Just for the day, I'll be gone by tomorrow.  I swear," Spike pleaded, looking at Buffy with puppy dog eyes.  The slayer rolled her eyes and motioned for Spike to climb through the open window.  He did and then shut the drapes, ensuring that no sun would get through in the morning._

_Buffy had already climbed into bed, muttering about how she had finals the next day and needed her sleep.  Spike noticed that she was only taking up half the bed and, smiling slightly he stripped off his duster, belt, and tight black shirt.  Sliding beside Buffy on the bed the slayer only grunted, oblivious to his presence in her bed._

_"Love," Spike whispered._

_"Yeah," Buffy responded, close enough to sleep that she was unaware of Spike's location in her bed instead of on her floor._

_"Will your mum come in and see me?" The vampire asked with concern._

_"Door's locked.  My alarm with go off at…" Buffy yawned and fell asleep.  Spike smiled tenderly down at her and kissed her forehead gently._

_"Sleep well love," He whispered softly, before drifting off into a deep sleep._

_************************************************************************************************_

Buffy groaned as she awoke to the sound of her alarm clock going off.  Xander had told her that her wake-up call was a one-time thing so she better set an alarm.  Climbing out of her bed and stumbling blindly towards the shower Buffy thought back to the first time she had awoken with Spike in her bed.

_************************************************************************************************_

_"Mmmm," Buffy groaned, snuggling deeper into the cool embrace that she found herself in.  One of her arms snuck out to turn off her beeping alarm, and then wound it's way around the person in her bed.  The person with well-defined abs and cold skin.  The person with a low purr emitting from his chest, whose strong arms were encircling the slayer.  The person who was…Spike!  "Spike!" Buffy cried in surprise, pushing out of Spike's embrace.  "What are you doing in my bed?" She asked after a moment._

_"Don't you mean out bed?" Spike asked, arching an eyebrow.  At Buffy's blank look he continued.  "Last night I asked if I could crash here.  You said yes.  The floor didn't look comfy and I figured you wouldn't mind me being in the bed.  Us being such good friends and all," Spike said, smirking slightly._

_"OK, it's fine that you were in my bed…I guess," Buffy muttered slightly, sitting up and running a hand through her hair, missing the look of want that crossed Spike's face at the sight of her, glowing from a good night's rest.  It took Buffy a moment to realize that Spike had no shirt on and once she did she firmly shut her eyes, not opening them until Spike assured her that he was fully dressed._

_"Can I shower somewhere?" The vampire asked._

_"I need to shower first and then get off to school.  I have finals today," Buffy explained.  "But after I'm done you can shower and I'll make breakfast."_

_"Thanks love," Spike said, smiling at the slayer.  It was then that Buffy noted her state of undress.  She was dressed in a black sports bra and purple boxer shorts.  Pulling on a bathrobe and turning a shade of bright red the slayer walked into the bathroom that was attached to her room, promising to push all thoughts of Spike's beautifully sculpted chest out of her head.  Little did she know, Spike was trying in vain to forget the sight of her._

Buffy stood under the spray of water coming from the shower-head.  Her neck was bent backwards and her hand was making little circles on her temples, massaging them.  She half wondered why she was showering anyway.  Her first class of the day was gym and she would just have to shower after that anyway.  However, the slayer couldn't pretend that she didn't relish the feel of her loofah running over her smooth skin.  Sighing softly she pretended it was Spike's hands that guided the loofah.  Past her toes, running up her legs, stopping briefly at her thighs before reaching her…………………………………the water turned cold and Buffy stepped out of the shower.

Gym had passed quickly.  The slayer had hardly worked up a sweat during the game of dodgeball her class had played, and after doing a few laps in the pool she had trailed the rest of the class into the locker rooms, eager for a shower.  Now it was almost half an hour later.  Most of the girls had left.  However, Buffy stood in front of the mirror on her lock, brushing the tangles out of her hair.

"That'll teach me to swim with my hair down," The slayer mumbled.  She laughed humorlessly to herself.  However, her laughter was cut short when she heard voices.

"Total wackjob.  I heard that she only hangs out with like….five people," A high pitched feminine voice said.  Buffy peaked out from behind her locker and caught a glimpse of three girls, getting up from a bench on the far end of the locker room and gathering their books.

"Well, I heard that Buffy hasn't dated in like…four months.  And her ex boyfriend killed himself!" Another girl said.  Buffy gasped sharply, her brush dropping to the ground.  Luckily, the three girls were already too far out the door to hear.  Sinking down to the floor Buffy tried to hold back the tears that threatened to run down her face.  Picking her brush off the floor and playing with the hair caught in the bristles she came across a peroxide strand.  Unable to hold her tears in any longer, the slayer let out a sob.__


	6. Expansion

_            "Mom?" Buffy called as she came through the door, dropping her keys on the table.  The slayer had just returned from her last final and wanted to make sure that her mom was at work before looking for Spike._

_"She's at work," a familiar British accent said, "left about an hour ago.  There's a note on the table telling you she'll be home around eight."_

_"Thanks," Buffy muttered, walking into the kitchen, being trailed by Spike who had just come down the stairs.  He was clad in his usual attire, which looked like it had been cleaned.  Also, there was a strange scent attached to the vampire, in place of his usual smell of leather was the faint scent of vanilla and fruit._

_            Spike noticed Buffy's bemused expression.  "What?" He asked._

_"Why on earth do you smell like vanilla?" Buffy asked, cocking an eyebrow at the vampire who, had he had blood flow, would surely have been blushing._

_"Well, you know, I was in the shower when I realized I had no shampoo and what not.  And all you had around was vanilla so I just kind off…" Spike trailed off, shrugging sheepishly, which was quite a feat for a master vampire wearing all black and a bruised leather duster.  Buffy exhaled a laugh and turned to the refrigerator taking out a yogurt._

"So, how'd your final go?" Spike asked, taking a seat on the kitchen counter as Buffy snapped together the plastic blue spoon that came in the lid of her coffee yogurt.  Taking a seat on a chair next to the counter Buffy paused a moment before responding.

_"It went great.  The English part was basically all about Shakespearean sonnets.  So I guess, I kind of want to say thank you.  I mean, there's no way I would have passed my final without you," Buffy said, looking up at Spike shyly._

_            The vampire took an unneeded gulp of air.  Gods how he wanted to kiss her at that moment.  There she was, smelling like vanilla and sweetness, the traces of her almost finished coffee yogurt coating her lips.  She looked like perfection, like an angel, too pure to be touched.  Spike reached down from the counter and stroked a hand absently through her hair, not noticing the way her eyes closed in pleasure and she leaned into his touch.  After a few moments of the compatible silence Buffy pulled away, hoping that Spike hadn't noticed how content she had been a moment ago.  It wouldn't do for him to know how she felt about him.  That she had been thinking about him since she first fought him.  And that morning, waking up in his comforting embrace, it had been like a fantasy.  And she wished with almost her entire being that she could have just stayed in bed, pretending to be asleep, taking comfort lying next to Spike, safe, protected.  If only he felt the same way….if only he loved her back._

_**********************************************************************************************_

            Buffy rubbed her eyes lightly, looking over her sonnet homework had been stressful.  And after the day she had, especially after gym class, the slayer desperately needed sleep.  Memories of Spike surfaced as she looked over the notes she needed to understand for tomorrow's class, but she didn't cry.  She hadn't cried, not since the night that Spike had…..gone….she didn't need to cry.  It wasn't like he wouldn't be back.  He had promised, he was coming for her.

**********************************************************************************************

_            Buffy knew she was in love with Spike, and in the instant that she figured it out she accepted it.  Sure it was weird, a slayer in love with a vampire.  But that didn't make it wrong.  And how could it be wrong when it felt so right.  Buffy and Spike had spent the afternoon together.  They had watched Scooby Doo cartoons together and mixed flavors of ice cream together, culminating in a war of gummy bears and chocolate ice cream.  And then they had cooked dinner together, trading barbs as Spike taught the slayer to peel potatoes and mix up a salad dressing that he claimed her aunt had taught him to make before he was turned.  It was one of those days when everything was perfect._

_            "So slayer, how was dinner?" Spike asked, picking up Buffy's plate with his own and carrying them over to the sink._

_"Delicious," the slayer admitted, "makes me wonder why you drink blood all the time if you can cook so well."_

_"Human food doesn't really fill me love, I just like the taste is all," Spike explained._

_"Speaking of blood, if you're getting hungry we could walk over to the butcher and get you some," Buffy offered, getting up from her seat and grabbing a wet rag to wipe the counter with._

_            It was on the tip of Spike's tongue to say yes.  However, he couldn't do it.  He loved her, of course he did, it was impossible not to.  But he was a vampire.  And he would make it perfectly clear to her that hanging out all afternoon did not suddenly make him a lap dog…_

_"I better go back home, actually," Spike said.  "If the cops are still around I need to find a new place to live.  Besides, your mum will be home in an hour and we wouldn't want her asking why the strange man wearing the leather coat in June was drinking blood," Spike finished with a grin._

_"Ok," Buffy said.  She walked Spike to the front door, and unlocked it slowly, she wanted to savor this last bit of time together.  "Hey, if you're not busy tomorrow maybe we could train some more.  I mean, school's out and since I don't have a watcher anymore…" Buffy trailed off._

_"I'll be your watcher," Spike mumbled._

_"What?" The slayer asked, taken back._

_"I said I'll be your watcher.  Not that I'm a white hat mind you, I just can't stand to see a slayer with as much talent as you waste all your skill," Spike said, attempting nonchalance.  Buffy spun around, leaving the key in the lock and wrapped her arms around Spike, pulling him into a hug._

_"Thank you so much," She whispered, holding the vampire tightly.  Spike tentatively put his arms around Buffy and kissed the top of her honey colored hair, inhaling her scent.  After a moment he  pulled away._

_"Don't get all sappy slayer, I'm just saying I'll train you, that's all," Spike said harshly.  However, Buffy sensed how pleased he was at her display of affection.  _

_"I know, it's just you could be…should be trying to kill me.  But I haven't really had a friend in a while, not since I became the slayer, so it's been kind of nice to have you around," Buffy admitted._

_"I know, and I should be killing you.  I just can't.  I don't know, I guess you're like a…..a little sister to me," Spike said.  Buffy's face fell._

_"Little sister," She said tonelessly._

_"Yeah," Spike replied.  *Sister in Cruel Intentions that is* the vampire thought to himself_

_A little sister--Buffy had known that Spike didn't love her.  She knew it and she accepted it.  But it didn't stop it from hurting.  It was OK though.  For some reason she found herself trusting the vampire implicitly.  And if he would only accept her as a trainee, a sister, and a friend, so be it.  She would accept that…her heart would break because of that…._

**********************************************************************************************

            "So Buffy, I've been thinking," Xander said.  Buffy ceased her attack on the punching bag for a moment.  She had gone directly to the Magic Box after school and started an exhaustive training regiment.  Xander had come in after his work at the newspaper was finished for the day and hadn't spoken, had only watched her train.  Not commenting when she messed something up, not commenting when she did well.

"What are you thinking Xan?" The slayer asked, pushing a stray lock of sweat-soaked hair from her face.

"That maybe you should come to the Bronze with the gang tonight.  It's been four months Buffster, and I just think that maybe you should start coming out with us more," Xander suggested.

"Sure, I guess so," Buffy agreed with slight trepidation.  After all, she did need to spend more time with the gang.

"And maybe we can all invite a friend, expand the group and all," Xander suggested tentatively.

"Sure," Buffy replied, stretching out her calves.  "There's this girl in my poetry class who's kind of nice.  It would be cool to bring her, see if we can develop a friendship and what not."

"And I have this guy I thought you might want to meet," Xander said.  Buffy stopped and looked at Xander, confusion written across her face.

"What do you mean a guy?"

"He's nice, about eighteen and he's an intern for the newspaper, same as me.  A really cool guy, good looking too," Xander explained, not daring to look at Buffy.

"Are you setting me up for a date?" The slayer asked, her voice rising in anger.

"Buffy, it's been four months.  Spike wouldn't want you to suffer like this.  I'm not saying you have to go out with this guy.  I'm just telling you that you need to move on.  You need to fall in love again." Xander explained, his eyes filled with the same concern his voice conveyed.

"You'd love that wouldn't you," Buffy said, her voice a harsh whisper, rising with every word she spoke, "you'd love for me to just turn off my feelings with a switch.  Well it doesn't work that way.  I cannot dishonor Spike that way.  How do you think he'll feel when he comes back to find out that I'm dating someone else!" Buffy asked in outrage, tears forming in her eyes.

"Buffy listen to yourself," Xander begged, "Spike is gone.  He's dead and he's not coming back for you.  He's gone…forever, and the only way to honor his memory is to move on, to love again, to prove to yourself and to Spike that you're strong enough to keep living!"  Buffy looked at Xander, her eyes filled with so much emotion.  "He's gone Buffy….he's gone…" Xander said in a whisper.  Buffy's bottom lip quivered for a second before her eyes welled up with tears and she collapsed into Xander's outstretched arms, desperately trying to too hold back her tears.

"I love him so much," The slayer whispered softly.

"I know Buff, I know," Xander said comfortingly, rubbing small circles on the slayer's back, "But you have to move on.  He's not coming for you."

**********************************************************************************************

_            "Hey Spike," Buffy said, entering the abandoned gym that Spike had found.  Last week they had spent the past week training at the gym all day, and patrolling together at night.  However, last night Spike had told Buffy that he had found something and had taken the slayer here, to the old gym.  It had a punching bag, a vault, a dummy to attack, and a balance beam.  It was in great condition and Spike assumed that the owner had been killed, probably by a vampire.  Well, the owner's loss was their gain.  This was exactly what Buffy needed._

_"So, today I thought we'd try something different.  I want you to practice not using weapons.  And then, on tonight's patrol, I thought you could go without using weapons, try to fight any demons we come across with just your hands.  I think it will be good for you to fight without weapons for a change," Spike said._

_"Actually, I meant to talk to you about tonight's patrol," Buffy said, "I know that we've been patrolling together for the last week and all, but tonight…"_

_"What is it?"  Spike asked, brow furrowed in concern._

_"I have a date tonight," Buffy said, "and I was hoping that you'd agree to patrol alone tonight.  I won't bail all the time, it's just it's the first date I've had in a long time.  And I'm kind of doing it to try and get over someone, you know, a step to patch up my wounded heart and what not," Buffy explained._

_"Sure, I guess," Spike said, after a moment's pause.  *A date….she's going on a date….with some guy she loves…she's going to*  "…Wounded heart you said.  Who hurt you?" Spike asked with a slightly protective growl._

_"No one, it wasn't like it was his fault.  It's just…you wouldn't understand…" Buffy said after a moment's pause._

_"Try me," Spike suggested, stepping behind the slayer and rubbing her shoulder's comfortingly._

_"You ever love someone who doesn't love you back?" Buffy asked, turning to stare into Spike's bright blue eyes._

_"Always," The vampire whispered softy, when Buffy had stepped away and he was sure she wouldn't hear.  Looking at the slayer longingly he whispered once more, "Always.  I will love you always."_

_**********************************************************************************************_

            Buffy had spent the better part of the afternoon and evening crying in Xander's arms.  It was like all her dreams were shattered.  Of course when Spike died she had been upset, heart broken even, but she had moved on, kept going, he had promised he was coming for her and she believed him.  Now, though, Xander had spoken aloud her worst fear, the idea that Spike wouldn't be coming for her, that perhaps, death had beaten him, that perhaps, death was too strong.

            _Brian was nice.  Really, he was.  There was nothing wrong with him.  He was courteous and polite--he opened his car door for her and offered to get her something to drink when they reached their destination, Karma.  He listened to her when she spoke and he nodded his head in agreement and laughed at proper intervals.  But his eyes didn't shine with a light from within when she said something he disagreed with.  He didn't run a hand through his hair in exasperation when she pouted.  He didn't smirk at her when she was wrong, and he didn't smile at her when she was right.  He didn't look like the kind of man who would get caught up in the moment, the kind of man who would suddenly grab her to him and kiss her thoroughly just because…and now he was talking about cars….cars….Spike can drive a car.  He claims he has a black one, I have yet to see it.  I bet he drives it really well.  I bet he holds his hands at ten and three.  Just like a perfect driver…And in the summer I bet he drives with the window down, and the radio playing loudly.  And if it's really muggy I bet he sweats…sweet Spike sweat….sweat that drips down from his scarred eyebrow, past those perfect lips, until his rough pink tongue licks the drop of sweat.  Or if he doesn't lick the sweat…then it would keep going, down his chin, past his throat, down onto his chest…under his shirt, sliding across those perfect abs…just waiting to be licked off-_

_            "Buffy, are you listening?" Brian asked, when he caught the slayer's spacey look._

_"Of course Brian.  I just got caught up in the moment.  Please continue," Buffy said her voice as sweet as honey.  When Brian began talking again Buffy sighed internally.  Yup, he was definitely no…."Spike!" Buffy called when she caught sight of her friend's bright, blonde hair._

_"What?" Brian asked._

_"I just saw my friend Spike.  Let me get him, I'll introduce you," Buffy offered.  Not waiting for Brian's response she got up from the table and made her way over to Spike, who stood, leaning against the bar, watching the slayer coming towards him.  
"Hello love," Spike said when the slayer reached him._

_"Hey," Buffy said with a relieved sigh._

_"Date not going well?"_

_"Isn't that an understatement.  I used to totally love boys.  They were fascinating and fun and…" Buffy trailed off for a moment.  "I guess compared to demons human boys seem kind of…"_

_"Immature," Spike offered._

_"Boring," The slayer corrected.  "I mean, even spending an evening watching Scooby Doo with you is more exciting."_

_"I'm flattered, really," Spike said, sarcastically.  Buffy rolled her eyes and slapped the vampire's arm good-naturedly._

_"I didn't mean to downplay the excitement of our Scooby Doo marathons, I just meant that dates are supposed to be exciting.  Brian's such a-"_

_"Hey Buffy, is this Spike?" Brian's familiar voice asked.  Buffy whipped around and smiled sweetly at Brian._

_"Yeah," She said.  "Spike, Brian.  Brian, Spike."_

_"Nice to meet you," Brian said, offering his hand, which Spike took and shook firmly.  
"Same here mate," Spike said.  "Didn't mean to interrupt your date.  I'll be going-" Spike was cut off by Buffy clearing her throat purposefully.  "What?" Spike asked with a slight smirk, understanding immediately that Buffy wanted him to make up an excuse to get her out of the date.  However, there was no way he was going to do that.  Definitely not, it was so much more fun to watch her suffer.  She was so cute when she pouted._

_"Well, I guess Buffy and I will get back to our date then.  We haven't even danced yet," Brian said cheerfully.  Spike was about to wish them well and then go of in a corner somewhere to watch Buffy be miserable.  However an image of the slayer dancing with Brian, hips moving seductively passed through his mind and he suddenly found himself searching for any excuse he could think of to get the slayer out of Karma and home. Out of the clutches of dates like Brian who expected good night kisses.  No way Brian would be getting a good night kiss if Spike wasn't…no way._

_"Actually, I think Buffy needs to come home now,"  Spike said, stuttering slightly.    
"I know slayer has a busy day tomorrow and all, wouldn't want her sleepy.  Well, ta then," Spike finished, grabbing Buffy's arm and pulling her out of Karma .  The slayer didn't have time to protest, or to remind Spike that her purse was still in Karma.  She was being pulled out the door and around the corner, far away from a very confused Brian who was still puzzling over why the bleached blonde man had called Buffy "slayer."_

_            It wasn't until Buffy and Spike were outside the slayer's house that they paused.  Spike had been dragging the slayer the entire way, and after a few minutes of confusion, Buffy had realized that Spike was her salvation, getting her away from Brian (though not really in the manner she would have chosen), and therefore, she stopped resisting.  When the two paused they both broke out into laughter simultaneously._

_"I wish I could have seen the look on that git's face," Spike said, in between hearty chuckles._

_"That was really mean," Buffy began, before breaking into laughter, struggling to get out the rest of her sentence.  "He was perfectly nice."_

_"He was perfectly nice," Spike mimicked in a high pitched voice.  "Perfectly boring you mean," Spike amended, arching an eyebrow at the sheepish looking slayer as their laughter subsided._

_"Okay, okay, you're right.  The man was a cardboard cutout," Buffy admitted.  That confession sent the pair into another round of laughter, which ended only when Joyce came outside, wondering what the commotion was about._

_            After a brief and slightly awkward chat with Joyce, Spike went home, whistling merrily.  After all, mission had been accomplished.  The slayer had gone home that evening without kissing or dancing with Brian.  Plus, she had admitted how much she enjoyed spending time with him, even just watching cartoons.  Maybe…no.  It was impossible.  He was a watcher and big brother to the slayer, not a boyfriend.  He would just have to love her from afar.  It was okay, he could live with that…his  heart would break because of that._


	7. Mothers I

_The Next Week…_

_            "Hey Spike," Buffy said, entering the abandoned gym, "Spike?  Spike, where are you?"  It was unusual for Spike not to be in the gym when she entered.  He was usually already there, already covered in sweat from a vigorous workout.  He taunted her with that fact—that he started his workout hours before the "chosen one" did.  "Spike?  You here?" The slayer asked once more.  She was about to begin her workout, assuming that Spike would be there any minute, smoldering blanket over him as he burst through the door.  However, she heard sounds coming from the alley out back._

_            Stepping into the alley the Slayer cringed as the scent of rotting fish invaded her senses.  It was dark in the alley only a few slivers of light getting past the large trashcans that barred the entrance.  Buffy wasn't particularly fond of the alley, for the obvious reasons, and was about to turn back inside and chalk the noise up to someone's drunken wandering.  However, once the scent of blood hit her nose, the slayer couldn't help but go further into the alley._

_            Creeping past several trash bins she saw it…a sight she'd never forget.  A middle-aged woman was pressed against the wall of the alley.  Her body was arching up towards a figure clad in black, and blood was gushing from a wound in her neck as the figure hungrily sucked at the wounds.  It wasn't until the woman's lifeless body slumped to the ground that Buffy let out a soft moan of horror.  True, she had seen a vampire feeding before, and it wasn't that she was squeamish.  It was just, for some reason, the sight of a woman losing her life in a disgusting alley struck a chord with her._

_            At the sound of the slayer's moan the vampire whipped around without thinking.  And, at the sight of Buffy's eyes he instinctively changed out of game face.  Her eyes conveyed so many emotions.  Confusion, pain, hurt, and anger.  And his mirrored those emotions back at the slayer.  _

_"Spike," Buffy whispered softly, recognizing the vampire immediately.  Timidly, Spike stepped towards Buffy, unsure of what her reaction would be.  Would she view him as a threat?  Would she understand his actions, his craving for blood and need for violence?_

_"Buffy, love," Spike whispered.  "Listen to me baby."  The slayer shook head no, her lower lip jutting out to form a confused and upset pout._

_"No…you.  How can you be…?"  The slayer stammered.  Of course she knew Spike fed.  It just…hadn't completely processed.  After the night she had offered to walk down to the butcher with him, only to have him refuse, the knowledge that he probably killed humans had crossed her mind a few times.  However, it was so easy to forget that he was a killer when he helped her patrol, when he kissed her forehead, or when he watched cartoons with her._

_"Slayer, we need to talk now, okay," Spike said softly, coming towards Buffy.  The slayer thought of protesting.  However, Spike came closer and touched Buffy's elbow, leading her inside the training room, and all thoughts of protest left Buffy's mind._

_            It was a few moments before Buffy spoke, unable to stand the silence for any longer._

_"How could you do that?" She asked in horror._

_"I'm a vampire, pet.  It's what I do," Spike explained patiently._

_"Someone is dead because of you," Buffy ground out, through clenched teeth._

_"And I would be dead if I didn't get any food," Spike said, his voice rising in anger._

_"You killed someone," The slayer whispered once more in horror._

_"I killed one person slayer.  She wasn't the President or anything.  She was a cashier; An unimportant employee at the ACME._

_"And that makes it okay?" Buffy asked in horror._

_"I'm just saying her death didn't matter to anyone," Spike said._

_"It mattered to somebody—to her children, to her co-workers.  She was a human being and now she's dead because of you."_

_"I need to feed love.  I won't become some tame puppy just because I lo-" Spike stopped himself before he said he loved her, relieved that the slayer was too preoccupied to question what he had been about to say._

_"Then I have to kill you," Buffy said softly, looking at the ground.  After a moment's pause she looked up, meeting Spike's gaze unflinchingly.  Would Spike see through her lie?  Would he realize that she could never kill him?  That she could hate him and curse him and hurt him, but that she could never bring herself to take him out of this world._

_"You won't kill me," Spike said with more confidence than he felt._

_"Maybe not, but I'll hate you, and it'll hurt just as much."  Another silence followed the slayer's words._

_"What if I feed but don't kill?" Spike asked softly, his voice becoming patient once more._

_"I don't understand," Buffy said._

_"I can take blood, enough that I'm satiated, but I won't take enough to kill the human I'm feeding from," Spike explained.  Buffy took a deep breath, a battle waging beneath her calm exterior._

_"The human will live.  They'll be able to go home to their families and friends?" The slayer asked skeptically._

_"I swear the human will live," Spike said, his voice unwavering._

_"Okay then.  As long as they live," Bufy decided.  She took a deep breath and then met Spike's eyes.  Unable to help herself the slayer walked closer to Spike and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him closely as she tried to hold back tears.  It was so hard to live in this world.  Once again, the lines that used to be black and white were becoming gray._

_            Buffy and Spike didn't train that day.  They sat for most of it in silence, Spike still holding the slayer, each savoring the feel of being so close to the other, each not admitting that they felt that way.  As the sun was setting Buffy got up to go.  Spike stood also and followed the slayer outside of the abandoned gym and onto the street.  The sun was low enough that he was in no danger of bursting into flames.  Spike trailed Buffy as she walked in the familiar route that led to her house.  The two paused when they reached her front door.  Buffy was about to ask Spike if he wanted to come inside and hang out when she heard her mother's voice._

_"Buffy!" Joyce called, coming towards the slayer.  She was about a block away and was probably alerting the whole neighborhood to her presence by calling the slayer's name.  However, Buffy waved to her mom, fighting down her embarrassment.  As Joyce approached the corner and was about to cross over to the street where the Summers' house was a vampire stepped out behind her._

_"Mom lookout!" Buffy screamed.  Spike and Buffy both set off at a run towards where Joyce stood.  It was too late.  The vampire, a demon who couldn't have been more than a few years old, sunk it's fangs into Joyce's neck.  The slayer's mother barely let out a yelp before blood was gushing from her wound and she had collapsed, lifelessly to the ground._

_"Mom!" Buffy screamed in horror.  Reaching the place where her mother lay dead the slayer knelt down, cradling Joyce's limp head in her lap.  The vampire that had just killed Joyce was preparing to pounce on Buffy when Spike raced up next to the slayer, staking the vampire as he prepared to pounce.  It seemed as if Buffy didn't even see him.  She just kept staring blankly into the lifeless eyes of her mother._

_"Buffy," Spike murmured softly, "Buffy love you need to come with me.  We need to call the hospital," Spike whispered._

_"Mommy," The slayer whispered._

_"Slayer, we need to get you inside.," Spike said, running a hand through his hair before kneeling down beside the slayer.  He didn't know what to say.  All he could think of was the sight of the vampire sinking its fangs into Joyce's neck.  True, he had done the same thing just that day.  But in this case it was different.  The woman he had killed wasn't like Joyce.  Joyce was special.  She was beautiful, and kind, and the slayer loved her.  The woman he had killed was…Spike trailed off.  He finally got it.  To somebody, the woman he killed was mom.  But there was time later for guilt and sadness.  Right now he needed to get Buffy inside.  It wouldn't do to have the slayer outside all night.  "Come with me Buffy.  I'll take care of everything," Spike whispered after an awkward silence.  Come inside love."_

_            Buffy nodded blankly, not meeting Spike's eyes, still staring at her mother.  She was barely aware of Spike picking her up and taking her inside. She didn't know when Spike brought her mother inside, or when Joyce was taken to the morgue.  All she remembered was falling asleep as Spike carried her gently inside, and then waking up again as he peered in at her, the hall light casting a glow upon her._

_"Spike," The slayer murmured softly._

_"I've got you baby," The vampire whispered, coming into the slayer's room.  He kicked off his shoes, socks and shirt, carelessly tossing them aside, before crawling into bed next to the slayer.  "Don't worry about anything.  We'll take care of all the business tomorrow.  Right now you sleep," Spike commanded gently._

_"I don't think I can," Buffy admitted softly.  "I'm so…."_

_"Then close your eyes and I'll talk to you," Spike whispered.  His deep accent lulled the slayer to sleep "J'atai necoupata leolarci.  Vicouma tumatai falarcta neouraci.  Cartpaya liraidtuo.  J'aitai pectafa.," Spike whispered.  He paused of a minutes, listening to the slayer's deep breathing, and steady heartbeat, a sign that she was asleep.  "You have no idea how much I want to make love to you right now.  Over and over until you can't breath, can't speak, can't walk.  Over and over until you can only love," The vampire translated to the sleeping slayer.  Then he kissed her forehead softly, and closed his eyes, joining her in sleep._

_********************************************************************************************_

*Authors Note: The language used above is a language that my friend and I made up when we were about five years old.  So, if you're looking at the words and going…good god this girl's failing Spanish, I'm really not.  First of all, because I take French and Hebrew, and second of all, because the language is kind of um….not real!*


	8. Author's Note

Readers,

I'm just letting everyone know that I will be away until the end of July.  However, when I return I will be doing a massive update of over 10 chapters.  Thanks for your patience.

~TuesdayGirl


	9. Guilt I

            "I've been thinking about what you said to me, Xander," Buffy said as she entered the bookstore.

"What did I say?" Xander asked, though he had a good idea of what the slayer was talking about. He didn't want to upset Buffy by bringing it up before she was ready.  It had been an entire week since he and Buffy had spoken.  Yes, they had exchanged a few noncommittal sentences, but never more than that.

"What you said about me dating again," Buffy said.

"I've been thinking about that too Buffy and I-"

"I'm ready."

"What?" Xander asked in disbelief.

"You were right about everything.  Spike is not coming back, and it's time I get over him, live my life again.  I've survived terrible heartbreak before, I can survive this."

"That's great Buff, I'm really proud of you.  But I want you to know that I'll support whatever decision you make.  I know that this past year has been hard for you.  I'm there for you no matter what," Xander assured the slayer.

"I know Xander.  I love you," Buffy said, going over to Xander and wrapping her arms around him.  Xander patted the slayer's back gently.  

"So, have anyone in mind?" Buffy asked after a moment.

"Yup, a guy that I just met actually.  He's really cool and I think that he'd be good for you.  Nice, wholesome…."  Xander trailed off and Buffy was tempted to add boring to his description, as that's certainly how he sounded to her.  However, she wasn't going to push her luck.  Xander had found a guy for her, and she was going to go out with him.  Besides, it was only going to be one date, how bad could it be….

_            When Spike awoke it was without the slayer beside him.  Opening his eyes slowly he sniffed the air casually.  It was a few hours past midday, put the sun wasn't out.  Rolling out of bed he peeked tentatively out the window shade, his suspicions confirmed.  It was raining._

"Buffy," He called softly as he exited the slayer's room, still shirtless.  Spike entered the kitchen as Buffy was finishing up loading the dishwasher.

_"Hey Spike!" She greeted happily._

_"Hey love," Spike replied, confused by her joyful mood.  "Are you alright?"_

_"Of course.  I'm a little antsy though— I think I'll take a walk.  I know we have a lot of business to take care of today,  I'll only be gone for a little while," Buffy said, closing the dishwasher door and wiping her hands on a yellow dish towel.  "That cool with you?"_

_"Of course.  I'll come with," Spike suggested._

_"Actually, I'd rather go alone, if that's OK with you.  I need time to work some stuff out," Buffy responded with a tight smile._

_"Are you sure?" Spike asked after a moments pause, eyeing the slayer with confusion.  Just last night she had been the frail shell of a slayer, speechless and afraid.  Now, she acted as if nothing was wrong.  As if her mother's death was something she would deal with by going on a quick jog._

_"I'm sure," Buffy answered with exasperation.  She walked to the front door, Spike on her heels and grabbed a leather sweater from the coat rack.  "If It starts to rain hard I'll come back," Buffy assured Spike, noting his confused expression._

_"Alright love.  Have fun," Spike replied, completely intending to follow the slayer.  Buffy gave Spike a quick hug before leaving.  _

_It was five minutes later when Spike left the house.  He had thrown on a t-shirt and boots, as well as his duster, and was concentrating hard on catching a whiff of the slayer's sent so that he could follow her.  That's why he wasn't aware of the hand that flew at him, pushing him against the wall.  Spike immediately on the defensive, struggling against the tight grip the person held him against the door of the slayer's house with.  However, when he looked down to see whom his captor was he was met with the slayer's arched eyebrow._

_"I thought I told you not to come with me," Buffy said, a trace of amusement evident in her voice, as well as a bit of anger._

_"I'm worried about you slayer," Spike explained after Buffy had released him.  "You're in total denial mode.  You do remember what happened last night, right?" The vampire asked.  He had tried to avoid bringing up Joyce's death, but now Buffy was acting too strangely.  She was acting…well….perfectly normal.  And it was only a matter of time before she broke down._

_"Of course I remember Spike," The slayer said, a hint of sadness in her voice.  But I need to work this out on my own.  So you stay home, I have ID in my pocket as well as my phone number so if anything happens to me someone will find me and call home.  Now stop worrying big brother."_

_            Spike rolled his eyes at Buffy's last comment.  Part of him pleased, another part crushed.  But now wasn't the time to ponder his unreturned romantic feelings for the slayer.  Now was the time to go inside and wait nervously by the phone, praying it didn't ring._

_"Just come back if it starts to rain any harder than this," Spike commanded, his voice gentle, yet still letting the slayer know that this command didn't leave any room for disobedience.  Buffy rolled her eyes once more before heading off at a leisurely pace.  Only turning once to make sure that Spike went inside.  He did, and spent the afternoon thinking and pacing nervously in front of the phone.  It was two hours three minutes later when the phone rang…_

_            Spike walked purposefully through the doors of the LA police station.  Ignoring the shouting of the officers at the desk he walked with long hurried strides through another set of double doors and into the office of Officer Robert Captoff.  Spike spotted Buffy curled up in the corner of Officer Captoff's office immediately.  Her hair, soaked by the rain, stuck to her face, and she was huddled under a purple blanket that Spike assumed had been supplied by the police station.  As soon as she heard Spike come through the door she looked up, meeting his piercing blue eyes with her hazel ones._

_"Get up.  Now," Spike said coldly.  Buffy whimpered and began muttering under her breath.  Spike stepped toward her.  However, he was intercepted by Officer Captoff placing an arm on his shoulder, and gently guiding him to the other side of the office, away from the whimpering slayer._

_"One of our patrol cars picked her up.  She was walking in the rain with what the officer reported as a catatonic stare.  She didn't respond when he called out to her, and when brought in, all she would say was mutter something about needing her mother and needing Spike.  Do you have any idea what happened?"_

_"Yeah," Spike said, his voice taking on a softer tone, nothing like the one he had used just moments before when speaking to Buffy.  "Yesterday her mother was found dead…murdered by a gang.  Today she woke up and acted like everything was alright.  I knew that sooner or later she'd break down…it's just…and then she promised she'd come back inside if it began to rain harder and…"  Spike trailed off, staring at the shell of the slayer that sat in the corner._

_"I understand," Officer Captoff said, gathering from Spike's story what had happened.  "If Miss Summers can just attest to the fact that she recognizes you, and you show us some ID then you can go home.  Take good care of her."  Spike nodded his understanding and walked over to the Slayer, kneeling beside her._

_"Hey love," He whispered softly, "sorry 'bout the tone of voice I used earlier.  We can talk about what you did after we get you cleaned up."  Buffy stood, the purple blanket falling from her shoulders, and with only a nod thanks directed at the officer from Spike, the pair exited the building.  No one asked for ID.  Spike didn't even notice._

_            "Can you tell me what happened today?" Spike asked once Buffy was at home, dried off and sitting on the couch nursing a cup of hot chocolate.  Buffy nodded, resting her head on Spike's shoulder and placing the cup of hot chocolate on the coffee table in the living room before she spoke._

_"Today I knew what had happened.  I knew my mother had diedand had accepted it.  I understood it.  That's why I broke down, I think."_

_"I don't understand.  If you understood what had happened, why did you act so aloof?"  Spike asked, rubbing her hand absent-mindedly along Buffy's arm, as if transferring his strength to her._

_"I guess I just…it was like I didn't miss her.  Like I knew my mother was gone, and I didn't even care," Tears feel silently from the slayer's cheek and she wiped them away hastily.  "And I just felt so…"_

_"Angry," Spike supplied._

_"Guilty," Buffy clarified, "I felt guilty."_


	10. Mothers II

_            The weeks that followed Joyce's death were the weeks that changed everything.  Before Joyce's death Spike and Buffy had developed a routine; an easy companionship that allowed them to be friends as well as vampire, or watcher, as Buffy sometimes called Spike as a joke, and slayer.  However, in one second all that changed.  For the entire week after Joyce's death Buffy refused to let Spike leave her sight for more than a second.  At night he crawled into bed beside her, holding her tightly as she shuddered from nightmares that left her bathed in sweat and unable to fall back asleep.  _

_During the day Spike would go through all of Joyce's things with the slayer.  Sometimes it would be paperwork, which Spike would help Buffy with by explaining what the paper meant as well as all the choices she had regarding it.  As much as she whined and complained, asking him to just choose for her, Spike knew the slayer liked the fact that he gave her options. That instead of simply telling her what to do, he was allowing her to honor her mother's memory by deciding for herself how she would live her life.  _

_On other days Spike would watch as Buffy collected her mother's things.  The slayer would carefully fold Joyce's clothes before placing them into one of two boxes.  The "give away" box, which would be placed on the front lawn the next time Purple Heart came through the neighborhood to collect clothes, or the "keep" box, of things that would either be put up in the attic or put in the slayer's room.  Things like jewelry, silk scarves, or just simple sweaters that held some significance to the slayer.  _

_Through the drawn out process Spike merely sat on Joyce's bed, watching the slayer sift through her mother's things, only speaking when an answer was required.  He would allow the slayer to speak, to tell him stories about her mother, or just about her plans for the future.  He knew she was only using him for a sounding board.  But he was happy to oblige.  After all, it wasn't everyday you lose a mother…._

_London, 1880_

_"So, let's have a quick recap," Angelus suggested, his voice echoing throughout the nearly empty cave that he and William had ducked into to avoid the deadly rays of the sun.  William lowered his eyes to the ground in a desperate attempt not to meet those of the master vampire who was pacing in front of him, speaking in a deceptively calm voice.  "You have been a vampire for exactly two weeks.  One and a half weeks ago you were given the instructions to hunt and kill your mother.  She was to be your first meal.  Correct?" Angelus asked, pausing his pacing to stare at William, who had lifted his eyes up to meet his Sire's in a submissive stare.  There was a moment of silence, broken by the sound of Angelus' hand hitting William's cheek.  "I asked you a question Childe!"_

_"Yes, Sire," William answered meekly.  It would be ten more years until the vampire gained enough skill and courage to talk back to his sire._

_"And would you mind repeating one more time, strictly for the record, why you have not killed your mother?"_

_"I have not seen her, Sire," William answered respectfully._

_"Ahh, yes.  Now I remember." Angelus said, cracking his knuckles one by one.  "I'm just wondering if there's anything you can do to try harder.  What do you think?"_

_"I don't think there is, Sire.  I am trying as hard as I can."_

_"Well then, I shall lend my services and we'll just have to find your mother together.  How does that sound?" Angelus asked mockingly.  The master vampire's voice was quickly losing his calm tone, and the anger that William knew he felt was coming through._

_"I am sure I'll find my mother with you helping, Sire," William whispered after only a moment's pause._

_"You better pray we do boy," Angelus ground out, his voice losing all semblance of calm, "because until we do you will not drink a drop of blood.  If it takes a week for you to find your mother, you will starve for a week.  If it takes a month you will starve for a month.  And if it takes longer…" Angelus trailed off._

_"What will happen, Sire?" William asked._

_"You'll wish you'd met the slayer before you met me," Angelus replied.  William nodded and then waited until Angelus had walked deeper into the recesses of the cave before he allowed his stance to relax.  Lying down on the cold floor of the cave the vampire fell asleep.  Dreaming for the first time of his mother rather than the beautiful and mysterious Drusilla, the conniving Darla, or the cruel Angelus. _

_The next night-London, 1880_

_"Now William.  We are at your mother's house, correct?" Angelus asked in a patronizingly slow voice._

_"Yes, Sire."_

_"And what does your mother do every night at seven o'clock?" Angelus asked in the same voice._

_"She goes to visit the neighbor, Mrs. Berkely."_

_"And tonight…"_

_"I'll stop her before she gets there and kill her," William replied obediently._

_"And then…."_

_"I'll meet you, Darla and Drusilla back at the cave we stayed at today.  And we'll celebrate my first kill," William said.  Angelus nodded his head in agreement before turning swiftly on his heel and walking away from William, leaving the fledgling vampire alone in the alley.  "Oh, and William,"_

_"Yes, Sire?"_

_"Don't even think of tricking me, I'll know if you've made the kill or not."  William nodded in response to his Sire's word, knowing the truth they held.  What he didn't know was that killing his mother would change everything;  because if he had he might not have killed her.  _

_There's a special bond between a mother and her child, the kind that suffering only strengthens.  So, when one becomes a vampire the person who makes them, or trains them is to call them childe, and have the vampire call them sire.  This is an attempt to undermine the relationship of mother and child.  Then, after a while the fledgling must kill their mother.  When they leave the dead body of their mother slumped on the ground they're freed.  They are more than a vampire, they are a creature of the night._

_The hardest thing William ever had to do was sink his fangs into his mother's neck.  For the past week he had been living off blood bags as Angelus refused to allow him to kill anyone besides his mother.  When William tasted the buttery blood that poured into his mouth from the vein on his mother's neck he knew his days of drinking from blood bags were over, and it sickened him to no end that the desire for his mother's blood was so strong.  But the blood was too good, powerful….fearful….filled with love, desire, hope, anger, truth, justice, despair….it was truly life.  So he left the body of his mother in front of her house and walked toward the cave where the others would be waiting.  And though it wasn't as though he had a soul before, because that was lost when he became a vampire, he had changed.  He no longer had the fears that mortals did.  And for once in his life he was above every creature whose heart beat.  And it didn't matter to him that his mother was dead…he was just like Angelus and Drusilla and Darla…they wouldn't have cried remembering the way they murdered the woman who had done everything for them…and he wasn't crying either…the tear dripping down his cheek, it wasn't a tear of pain.  Because he didn't care that he killed his mother…….not one bit…_

_Back to 1996_

_"Spike…..Spike….Are you okay?" Spike was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of Buffy's concerned voice.  He opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a very worried slayer looking at him._

_"I'm fine love.  Why, is something wrong?" Spike asked, not noticing the tears that stained his cheeks and were still falling until the slayer gently brushed them away with her knuckles._

_"I'm okay.  But you were crying.  Are you sure there's nothing you want to discuss?" Buffy asked, one of her hands playing with a lock of Spike's hair absent mindedly._

_"I'm fine.  I best be going to the butcher's to stock up on some blood.  I just remembered that I don't have very much here."  Spike said.  Buffy didn't comment.  Since her mother's death she knew that Spike had started drinking from the bag.  She didn't say anything about it.  She understood why.  It wasn't everyday that you lose a mother…_


	11. Dreaming

_            Kick, block, punch….kick, block, punch…kick, block, punch…Buffy continued the steady rhythm that she had been training with for over an hour.  She would aim a high kick at the bag, would block the bag as it swung towards her, and then she would aim a punch at the bag.  It wasn't that she didn't enjoy training, it wasn't like it was boring.  It was just so….boring.  Sparring with Spike, on the other hand.  Now that was fun.  He matched her in every way.  No matter what kind of punch or kick she aimed at him he could block her, and no matter what verbal lashing she gave out he always seemed to have a comeback.  That's the main thing she'd been day dreaming about while training.  It seemed no matter what she said he had a counter for it, so she couldn't help but wonder what would get him to close that annoying mouth of his.  Kissing him topped her list.  And that was unfortunate because dreaming of kissing her stand-in watcher and best friend only built up frustration.  UST her popular friends, if they were still hanging out with her, would have called it.  It was strange, she barely thought about the people that only a year ago she pledged to be friends with forever.  Now, all her thoughts were of her mother, ambush tactics, or how delicious Spike's lips would taste.  Usually when the attacks of spike thinkage, as she liked to call them, would hit she would train.  However, she'd been going at it for an hour with no relief in site.  Therefore, the slayer would normally revert to her back up plan of sparring with Spike.  Today, however, Spike had entered the training room and immediately went over to the corner to sit and brood, and no matter what cruel jibes she made at him, she couldn't convince him to spar with her.  She'd tried everything from calling him William the Broody to teasing him with a bag of blood that she had brought for him.  And her response…nothing. The master of brood himself refused to spar with her._

_            "Spike, get over it," Buffy said.  Spike looked at the slayer, startled.  He had gotten used to the steady rhythm of her training and had no idea how she went form kick, block, punch to standing there, hands on her hips, hair coming out of the sloppy ponytail she had put it in.  She looked gorgeous._

_"Get over what?" Spike asked, the slayer's impatient cough startling him out of his thoughts._

_"Whatever's making you act like this.  I mean, usually you love sparring with me and today…" Buffy trailed off, noticing the truly evil smirk that was beginning to work it's way across Spike's lips._

_"Maybe," Spike said, rising to his feet and lunging at the slayer so quickly she didn't have time to react and instead feel to the ground, Spike on top of her.  "I just wanted to surprise you."_

_            Buffy returned Spike's smirk with one of her own.  However, before as Spike was opening his mouth for what Buffy assumed was some trivial banter she placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him down for a kiss.  It was just like she'd always imagined it.  Spike's surprise only lasting a few seconds before his hands found their way to her waist.  His tongue teasing his lips as the kiss grows more intense.  It was like a scene from a movie.  One where you know the character's dreaming and is going to wake up any minute.  But she wasn't dreaming.  This was real.  This was…_

_            Buffy awoke with a start.  The beige sheets that she had been covered with fell around her waste and she patted the bed blindly, searching for Spike.  It was only after a few moments of fruitless searching that she opened her eyes.  Then she remembered, Spike had gone home that morning.  It had been a month since her mother had died and Spike had insisted that the Slayer's life return to normal.  She had agreed, reluctantly.  Still, Buffy had stayed strong, waiting until Spike had packed up the few things he had brought over to the slayer's house and left to break down and cry.  It wasn't like she wouldn't see him every again.  Every day they would be getting together to train.  But no matter how many times he said nothing would change she knew it would.  She would no longer wake up with him beside her, he wouldn't be there to comfort her when she was sad.  He was leaving her alone, claiming she needed a home that was just hers.  Didn't he realize what she had realized so long ago…it wasn't home without him._


	12. Chapter 12

_            "Bloody hell slayer you've got to be kidding me."_

_"Spike, stop laughing at me and listen for a second," Buffy commanded.  However, the vampire's deep chuckles continued.  "Spike!" Buffy chastised._

_"Sorry," Spike cleared his throat, "please continue slayer."_

_"I'm done.  That's all.  I asked a simple question, in response to something that was you're idea, might I add," Buffy said, her lower lips jutting out in an adorable pout.  The one that she knew Spike thought was irresistible._

_"Vixen," Spike muttered under his breath, allowing a pout of his own to surface on his face as he ran his hands through his bleached hair absent mindedly._

_"Please Spike," Buffy whispered, her eyes staring strait into his, a slightly lost look in them.  "I have no idea what kind of apartment I can afford, or what kind I want.  And it would mean a lot to me if you would come."_

_"You know I'd do anything for you slayer, but house shopping?  I mean, you should see the place I live.  I don't really have impeccable taste."  Spike said._

_"Hmmm," Buffy said, her eyes narrowing in thought._

_"What?" Spike asked suspiciously._

_"That is a good point.  Why don't I know where you live.  I mean, you've been to my house tons of time, but I've known you for at least four months and still haven't seen your house."_

_"You wouldn't like it love.  I have one worn in chair, a telly and a cot to sleep on," Spike said._

_"Well, if your 'telly' has cable I think I could be quite happy at your house," Buffy responded with a smirk._

_"Maybe I'll let you see it before you go back to school.  But, for now, I think we should concentrate on your apartment search,"  Spike said._

_"So you're going with me?" Buffy asked, a smile beginning to form on her lips.  Spike sighed._

_"Yes I'm going with you.  But next time I-" Spike was cut off as a very excited Buffy flung herself into Spike's arms babbling about how much fun it was going to be._

_            "No," Buffy responded simply to Spike's question._

_"What do you mean no?" Spike asked incredulously, "The apartment was perfect.  It had a nice view, a large kitchen, two bedrooms and a den.  It was nice."_

_"Exactly," Buffy said._

_"Huh?" Spike asked._

_"I don't need to waste money on a gorgeous apartment with a large kitchen.  I can't cook.  I suck at cooking.  Over the past weeks since you've moved out I've eaten more cheese omelets than anyone else on this earth.  And half of the cheese omelets got stuck to the bottom of the pan.  So, I really don't need a large kitchen," Buffy said, justifying her decision._

_"I guess you're right slayer," Spike grumbled, ignoring the cat that ate the canary grin that spread across the slayer's face at that admission, "Besides, we have two more apartments to look at and they sound nice."_

_"Where to, fearless leader?" Buffy asked as she and Spike got into his black Desoto and fastened their seatbelts.  Spike pulled a balled up newspaper clipping out of his pocket and studied it for a minute before reading of the address to the slayer._

_"Chestnut Hill Apartments on Mermaid Lane.  Apartment 2B."_

_"Cool."_

_"You can't be serious slayer," Spike said, his voice an urgent whisper as they spoke in the den of the apartment they were looking at, the landlady in the room next door._

_"It's wonderful Spike.  It's near where we train, it has a view, a den, two bedrooms, a large kitchen-"_

_"The last apartment we visited you said you didn't want a large kitchen," Spike reminded the slayer in an exasperate tone._

_"Well I changed my mind," Buffy stated matter-of-factly._

_"Women," Spike grumbled good naturedly.  He ran a hand through his hair before meeting Buffy's hazel eyes.  "You really like it?"_

_"A lot," Buffy responded honestly.  Spike sighed and Buffy bit back the urge to ask him why he breathed when he didn't need to, knowing his response would probably have to do with blond slayer's that drive him insane._

_"Fine.  I'll co-sign for the apartment with you."_

_"Thank you Spike," Buffy said, a wide smile breaking out across her face._

_"But if you expect me to come over every night and cook dinner for you like I did when I was living with you then you've got another thing coming because-" Spike's rant was cut off by Buffy's amused stare.  "What?"_

_"Just wondering what time you'll be over to help me move my things into my new apartment," Buffy said._

_"Eight sound good?" Spike asked with a defeated groan._

_"Perfection," Buffy giggled, taking Spike's hand and leading him into the room where the landlady was waiting._

_            The landlady had given them no trouble.  The apartment had been abandoned for several months, probably due to the mysterious disappearance of many residents of LA, and the price wasn't too bad.  Buffy would need to get an after school job, but Spike had assured her he would chip in, calling it penance for the way he'd gotten the money he was going to give her.  She would have money left over to decorate, buy food, pay for the cable, electricity and water bills and save up for college._

_            Selling her mother's house had been harder, not because no one wanted it.  On the contrary the first day she had up a for sale sign she had gotten incredible offers for the place.  What was hard was leaving behind the memories and knowing that he new apartment would have no memories of her mother in it.  She wouldn't have images of her mother unpacking boxes, tucking her in at night.  The kitchen wouldn't smell like cookies and cocoa.  But that was kind of a relief too, because for the first time in four weeks she was out of her mother's shadow.  She had a home._

_            "God this is good.  How do you do this?" Buffy asked.  The slayer was sitting in front of Spike in the den of her newly furnished apartment with Spike, eating the dinner he had prepared.  She didn't remember the exact name of the dish.  It was something in Italian.  All the slayer knew was that what she was eating was the best ravioli in the entire world._

_"I've been around for over a century love.  You tend to pick things up.  Besides, Angelus' penalty when he didn't like the food was a lot more severe than your whining."_

_"Angelus?" Buffy asked, confusion evident in her voice.  "You've never talked about him before."_

_"Not much to tell," Spike replied._

_"There must be some story that you have.  Come on, I tell you everything.  I don't know anything about your life."_

_"He was my sire…my Yoda," Spike began, "For seventy five years we traveled through Europe together.  He trained me, taught me to be a vampire.  I cared for him like a son would care for his father.  I made sure he got the best kills, I made sure we stayed in only the finest accommodations.  I did everything for him," Spike said.  Buffy smiled at Spike, leaning back and resting her had on his lap as he continued to talk, stroking his fingers through her blond hair in a soothing gesture._

_"I was the last childe that Angelus sired.  It was strange for a master vampire to only sire two childer.  Darla had sired Angelus, and once she did he became the leader, and he sired Drusillia, then me.  It took ten years before Drusillia accepted me as a vampire and as her mate.  But after she did we were inseparable.  That is until…"Spike trailed off._

_"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.  I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.  I just-" Buffy began.  However, she was cut off when Spike continued talking.  _

_"I had been with Drusillia and Angelus had been with Darla for about seventy years by then.  Darla and I had gone out hunting that night, and Angelus and Drusillia had stayed in, knowing we would bring kills for them.  I went back first, as Darla wanted to track a man home.  That's when I found out why Angelus and Drusillia wanted to stay home."  Spike paused and took a deep breath.  "They were fucking.  I found them in bed together, going at it like rabbits.  It was like they didn't already have mates.  Like they didn't love us.  I cared about Drusillia so much, and I cared about Angelus too.  That's when I knew that I was different than they were.  Darla didn't care that Angelus had cheated on her.  She, Angelus and Drusillia went off together after that.  I told them I didn't want anything to do with any of them.  Drusillia told me she was sorry, begged me to take her back.  I wouldn't.  If there's one thing I can't stand it's cheating.  If you love someone you stay with them.  And if you stop loving someone, you tell them, out of respect for their memory and the love you shared.  Drusillia and I were together for almost seventy years.  And when it was over I realized something."_

_What?" Buffy asked._

_"She never loved me," Spike replied, his voice soft, "I spent seventy years with her, believing that she loved me.  I wasted so long."_

_"It's not your fault.  There's no way you could have known," Buffy whispered comfortingly.  Sitting up the slayer turned so that she was still facing Spike and stroked his cheek lightly.  "Besides, you'll be alive for eternity.  Plenty of time to find your one true love," Buffy said, smiling sadly.  Spike nodded dumbly at her comment, finding it hard to concentrate as he was too entranced by her eyes which were staring at him, looking strait through him.  Without a word Spike closed his eyes lightly and bent down, capturing his lips with hers._

_            Buffy knew immediately that it wasn't a dream.  If Spike's dream lips had been perfection than this was….well, there wasn't a word for it.  His lips were softly caressing hers in a motion that spent shivers up her spine.  It was a few moments before Spike broke the kiss, staring at the petite slayer with wonder.  Her eyes opened only when he spoke her name._

_"Buffy," Spike whispered tenderly brushing an errant lock of hair behind her ear._

_"Spike," Buffy whispered in response._

_"I should go.  It's getting late, and we'll be getting together to train tomorrow.  I want you to be well rested," Spike said.  Buffy nodded dumbly.  "I'm sorry," Spike whispered after a moment.  Closing her eyes as if it would block the pain that she felt as Spike stood and exited the apartment, locking the door behind him with the spare key the slayer had given him.  _

_            Outside the slayer's apartment Spike slumped against the door with a dejected sigh.  "Stupid," He muttered allowed, "She's the slayer and you're her friend, and you have to go screw everything up by kissing her.  You've got to get over it.  She's the slayer, you're a vampire, and you don't have a chance with her.  You're evil.  You kill and maim and have a gay old time of it."  Spike pushed off the door with a sigh and began the long walk home.  "Yeah mate, get over it."_


	13. Chapter 13

_            "Hey Spike," Buffy said cheerfully as she entered the training room where Spike was.  As usual, he had beaten her to the workout, if the lack of shirt and the sheen of sweat covering his body were any indication. "Mornin' love.  Up for a bit of sparring?" Spike asked, cracking his neck as Buffy flung her jacked into the far corner of the training room, revealing a tight black tank top and yoga pants._

_"Always," she responded before quickly dropping into fighting stance._

_            The pair circled each other, neither making a move.  However, when it became clear that Buffy wasn't going to strike first Spike gave into his impatient nature and broke the deadlock with a punch aimed at Buffy's nose.  The slayer deflected it and sent Spike flying backwards with a snap kick to his midsection.  The fight went on for a bit.  It wasn't particularly tiring, nor was it viscous.  It was simply Spike gauging how much work the Slayer would need to fight whatever new evil was certain to arise, and Buffy enjoying a workout.  As an unspoken agreement neither mentioned the kiss, both concentrated on the fight.  It ended with Spike straddling a pouting slayer.  He had to admit that she made quite the picture.  Face flushed, tank top riding up and exposing a tanned stomach, lower lip jutting out in an adorable pout.  She was a vision, no doubt about that.  But if he didn't train her he would never again be able to look upon her.  But, damn it was hard to concentrate with her lying beneath him!_

_"Spike….Spike you in there?" Buffy asked, arching an eyebrow at the vampire in concern._

_"What?" Spike asked._

_"You okay?" Buffy asked._

_"Yeah, of course," Spike replied._

_"So you're still lying on me because…." Buffy trailed off and when Spike registered her words he quickly rolled off the slayer and stumbled to his feet.  Buffy shook her head, thoroughly confused at what had Spike so jittery, before standing up._

_            "So watcher man, what's on the training schedule for today?"_

_"Well, the sparring was good love but…well, it's just that…." Spike trailed off._

_"What?" Buffy asked._

_"I know I've probably said this before love, but fighting's like a dance.  Every punch and block, every kick, roll and spin has a rhythm to it.  That's easy enough.  But the hard part of this dance; the part that makes it more than just counting.  It's the beauty of it.  You think on your feet and that's wonderful.  But sometimes, right before you make your move you stop.  The music stops flowing," Spike explained.  Buffy looked at the vampire in confusion, "You understand love?"_

_"Not at all," The slayer replied honestly.  Spike ran a hand through his hair, and bit his bottom lip in concentration.  "You know the mailbox on the corner of Bergan and Paper Mill?" Spike asked.  Buffy nodded.  "Meet me there tonight at eight o'clock, and I'll show you what I mean."_


	14. Chapter 14

_            "You're late love," Spike said without opening his eyes.  He was leaning against the mailbox that he had agreed to meet the slayer at, casually smoking a cigarette, eyes closed.  Buffy rolled her eyes in annoyance._

_"I met three vamps on the way here," She explained._

_"If you'd been running on time you still wouldn't gotten here sooner," Spike said._

_"Bite me," Buffy murmured.  However, she was unable to contain a small smile from forming on her lips.  He knew her so well._

            "So….verdict on the pants?" Buffy asked, spinning once to give Willow a good view of her outfit.

"Definitely the pants.  I mean you guys are going dancing, so normally you'd think skirt.  However, if you really analyze the situation you'd realize that-" The slayer cut Willow off before the redhead began babbling.

"Got it, Wills.  God, I didn't expect to be this nervous.  I mean, it's been forever since I've been on a date.  And the last time I was on a date the guy had already seen me at my sweatiest and grossest."

"I think it's good that you're so excited.  I mean, this guy doesn't have to be the one, but it will be nice for you to get out of the house more, have a good time dancing with someone besides Xander," Willow said, standing from her spot on the slayer's bed and walking over to the dresser where Buffy was putting on her makeup.  Willow fiddled nervously with some of the objects on the Buffy's nightstand while the slayer put on some makeup.  "Buffy, I was just thinking that….never mind," Willow said quickly.  Buffy didn't pause in the process of applying her lipstick.  "I just mean that…" The redhead trailed off again, and this time Buffy stopped and put down her makeup.

"Tell me."

"I know that these past four months have been hard for you.  And I know that you're still a little angry at Xander for forcing you to go out on this date.  But-" Willow was cut off by the slayer.

"Wills, at first I was angry with Xander.  But he didn't force me to go out on this date.  He was just trying to get me to move on.  And he was right," Buffy explained.  Willow nodded and watched in silence as Buffy finished dressing.  When the slayer turned to Willow for a final okay the redhead nodded and stayed silent when Buffy opened her bedroom door.

"Willow," Buffy whispered softly.

"Yeah."

"I know that this guy isn't the one.  I think….I think I missed my chance.  I got my one perfect guy, and I let him go.  And the only reason I'm going out tonight.  What I mean is…I'm not looking for someone to love, I'm never going to find them again…I'm just looking for someone to pass the time with," Buffy explained, her voice resigned, yet somehow still strong and steady.  A silence fell over the room, broken a few moments later.

"Buffy," Willow began.  However, when the redhead looked up, the slayer was gone, and she had taken Spike's duster off the hook from behind her door.

            "So moving on from this topic of discussion that is certain to end with your ass being kicked…where are we headed?" Buffy asked Spike as he led her away from her apartment and their training building and towards a more unfamiliar part of town.

_"I was telling you today about fighting being like a dance.  But you still don't get it.  You have this amazing style, and you think on your feet.  But you're not dancing," Spike explained._

_"And this scenic tour of LA will help how?" Buffy asked sarcastically, earning a glare from Spike.  However, the vampire didn't dignify her remark with anything more than that, and instead kept speaking._

_"A friend of mine, a demon friend, owns a dance studio."_

_"You're taking me to your demon friend's dance studio?" Buffy asked._

_"She's not evil, if that's what you're thinking, and she's one hell of a dancer.  I just think that there's something there that you should see.  Don't worry love, it's not more than a few blocks from here."_

            "Have you ever been here before?" Josh asked Buffy as the pair walked towards the entrance of the club.

"The Bronze, of course.  It's the coolest place in Sunnydale," Buffy responded as she allowed Josh to pay both of their cover charges and take her hand, leading her to a table near the dance floor.  The slayer shed Spike's leather duster and threw it over the back of her chair.  Josh did the same with his coat and then took Buffy's hand, leading her towards the dance floor.

            Neither of the two had spoken much for the first few songs, content to dance.  However, soon the silence had gotten too much for Josh and he attempted to strike up conversation.

"You dance a lot?" He asked.

"Not so much anymore.  I used to.  When I lived in LA especially.  There was this club, Karma that I used to attend religiously.  But, then I got involved with other things.  I still danced but…a different kind of dancing," Buffy said.

"What do you mean, different kind of dancing?" Josh asked politely.

"You know….different…"

_            "William!" A plump, middle-aged woman exclaimed happily as she came running towards Spike and embraced him tightly.  Spike looked mildly embarrassed and tried to gently disengage himself from the woman's arms.  However, she'd have none of it and only held him tighter.  The woman released Spike only when she spotted the slayer standing awkwardly beside the vampire.  Kissing Spike on the cheek the woman took Buffy into her arms, babbling something to the extent of "any friend of William's is a friend of mine."_

_"Lola, if you're done embarrassing me then I guess it's time for introductions," Spike said._

_"Oh, of course darling," Lola gushed, standing in front of Spike and Buffy, smiling widely._

_"Lola, this is Buffy Summer's.  Buffy, this is Lola.  I met her around 1950.  I had just broken up with Dru and I was a mess.  Lola took me in off the street and helped me get back on my feet.  She helped me get a new look for a new me.  I became more independent," Spike explained, smiling with the memories of his year spent with Lola.  She had been a second mother to him.  A demon, but unlike any he'd ever met before.  She was a Trukaht demon, a rare breed of refined demons.  They fed from the roots of Oak Trees and were skilled in areas such as the arts.  Throughout time they had been composers, dancers and artists.  Martha Graham, Tchaikovsky, even Martha Stewart, though Spike had always guessed that she was more of an embarrassment to their race than anything to be proud of.  And then there was Lola.  A sweet grandmother type who had saved Spike, and now ran a dance studio that trained LA's finest.  She was quite a woman.  And not just for her talents in the arts.  She was perceptive, even more than Spike, who prided himself in sensing other's feelings.  When he had moped about Drusilla, Lola had sympathized with him for only so long before announcing that when he met the true love of his life he would be thankful that he had no attachments.  Spike believed that he had met the love of his life….he was happy Drusilla wasn't around to bother him…Lola had been right.  Now Spike could only hope that Lola had nice things to say about Buffy, and that Buffy liked Lola.  However, by the look of things the slayer was quite fond of the demon, as the two of them had left Spike standing alone and retreating to a corner of Lola's dance studio where they were chatting and laughing.  Spike wished, not for the first time in his un life, that his vampire hearing was better, as he'd love to know what Lola said to get Buffy to blush that delightful color pink._

_            "So, are you and William dating," Lola asked Buffy in a whisper.  The slayer blushed and shook her head no with a quiet laugh._

_"Of course not.  We're just friends.  Spike has been training me-" Buffy began.  However, Lola cut her off._

_"Spike!  Don't tell me William has been going around all these years being called Spike."_

_"He has.  Why do you mind?" Buffy asked Lola._

_"Well, when William came to me I demanded that he stop being called that silly nickname Spike.  And he listened.  For the entire year he was at my house he insisted that he be called William, not only by myself, but by the other demons that visited him, and that he went out hunting with.  I told him when he left that he was to give up his silly nickname.  Alas, it appears that he has reverted back to being called Spike.  I'll have to scold him for that.  It isn't proper that a master vampire be running around calling himself Spike," Lola muttered._

_"I think it's cute," Buffy said, glancing over at Spike who stood on the opposite side of the room from them, straining to hear what was being said._

_"I bet you do darling," Lola said, watching Buffy's face brighten when she looked at Spike.  "So, why aren't the two of you dating.  I think a girl like you is just what William needs."  
"I don't think it would work out too well.  I don't know if Spike told you, but I'm the vampire slayer.  Vampire and vampire slayer doesn't make for the best relationship," Buffy said._

_"Nonsense," Lola insisted, "I can see it in your eyes.  You don't believe a word of that.  A vampire and a slayer relationship sounds perfect.  And it seems that William has taken a fancy to you."_

_"You think so?" Buffy asked, sounding more eager than she meant to._

_"I know so.  You should see the way he looks at you when you turn away.  It seems that William's smitten.  He just needs a push in the right direction.  As do you.  Who's to say that the girl can't make the first move?" Lola asked.  Buffy smiled and blushed once more, overjoyed by Lola's reassurances of Spike's affection for her._

_"We have kissed once, yesterday.  But Spike and I haven't talked about it since.  I just assumed.  I mean…sometimes I think he likes me.  The way he acts around me.  He knows me so well.  But other times, I think he looks at me like more of a sister than a lover," Buffy said._

_"Than we'll just have to get his eyes checked," Lola whispered to the slayer, causing them both to giggle._

_            "Lola said that we could sit over here and watch her dance class.  That way we can still talk softly," Spike said, leading Buffy over to a spot by the door where the pair then took seats on the floor and watched as the dancers stretched and warmed up._

_"I still don't understand exactly what you're showing me," Buffy said._

_"You'll see love, for now just watch.  Lola's an amazing teacher, and a smart woman," Spike told the slayer._

_"I know," Buffy replied mysteriously.  Spike looked at her, forehead scrunched in an unasked question.  However, her attention remained on the dancers, leaving Spike to watch her in amazement._

            "You seem a bit distracted tonight.  Are you okay?" Josh asked Buffy.  They were slow dancing to some pop song that neither could name.  The evening had been altogether enjoyable.  The two had talked, danced, and drank significant amounts of coffee.  Buffy had a wonderful time.  She really liked Josh…as a friend.  He was smart, funny.  She understood why Xander liked him and instantly liked him also.  But she didn't love him.  She wanted to invite him over for pizza and Scooby meetings.  But she didn't want to hold him and never let go.  The slayer had decided months ago that she would never find love again.  She just assumed that she would at least like someone again.  That maybe, just maybe her stomach would be filled with butterflies.  But that was never going to happen.  She was never going to feel even a fraction of what she felt fro Spike.  And it didn't make sense.

"I guess I just have a lot on my mind," Buffy said in response to Josh's question.

"I understand," Josh replied, closing his eyes once more as Buffy laid her head on his chest.  She could feel his heartbeat…it was strange…

            "They're amazing," Buffy whispered to Spike half way through the class.

_"They are," Spike replied.  "Look at the way they move, graceful.  You move that way too.  But watch.  In a second Lola will call a different combination and they'll change the steps.  No pause, no break in rhythm.  The new combination will become part of them as quickly as the first.  They won't just dance it, they'll feel it," Spike explained.  Sure enough Lola called out a new combination for the dancers to do across the floor._

_Lola called out a new combination and Buffy watched entranced as the dancers seamlessly changed the combination they were doing across the floor._

_"When you fight, it should be like a dance.  Every punch, every kick, every block becomes part of your heart, part of your soul.  No matter what gets thrown at you, take it with grace and style.  Think on your feet, and engrave the steps in your heart.  Slaying isn't just what you do, it's who you are," Spike said, the words rolling off his tongue more naturally than any Buffy had heard him speak.  "Get it?" Spike asked after a pause._

_"I always knew," Buffy replied.  But she wasn't watching the dancers; she was staring straight into Spike's eyes._


	15. Chapter 15

            "How was your first day of school?" Spike asked the slayer.  He was lounging on the lazy boy chair in Buffy's den while watching TV.  Buffy lay on the floor, kicking her feet behind her as she worked on her homework.

_"It was okay I guess.  I mean I still can't believe we got homework.  It's the first day of school for goodness sake!" Buffy said._

_"Well, you're a sophomore now, things are bound to be more difficult," Spike said._

_"I'm a junior now," Buffy corrected._

_"But you're only sixteen, and last year you were a freshmen.  You told me last year you were graduating in 1999," Spike insisted._

_"Calm down, calm down," Buffy said with an eye roll and a shake of her head.  "Last year was '96, I was fifteen.  This year's 1997, I'm sixteen.  So, yes, technically I should be a sophomore.  But the school was impressed with how well I did last year in my exams so they told me I could skip a grade; Especially with everything that happened with mom over the summer.  The principal knows that I need to finish up school and get into college and eventually find a job.  It's really pretty cool of them to let me skip a grade," Buffy explained._

_"Well, technically I was right.  You should be a sophomore," Spike said.  _

_Buffy rolled her eyes once more, "Can't you just admit that occasionally you're wrong?"_

"Never love," Spike said with a smirk.  Buffy laughed, the sound making Spike smile widely.  "So, besides the grade issue, how was your first day?"

_"Well, the school work on the first day thing is something I'm not loving.  But besides that I was just kind of lonely.  I mean, I don't really have any friends anymore.  Once I started slaying I didn't really have time for my popular friends so they all kind of decided I was a freak.  I get lonely a lot.  But it's cool, I have you," Buffy said._

_"You always have me love.  But I'm over one hundred years old.  It might be nice for you to have some friends your own age," Spike said._

_"I know.  Maybe someday I'll meet some freaks like me.  But, until that happens I'll deal.  Besides, I'm always busy with slaying and training.  And being a junior means that the college issue becomes slightly more pressing," Buffy said._

_"What issue.  I'll help you study, you'll get in somewhere wonderful, and we'll move there and fight nasties."_

_"Well, money is kind of an issue, not too much, since mom did do a pretty good job taking care of finances.  But still, it's a little bit of a-" Buffy was cut off by Spike._

_"Non-issue," The vampire supplied.  "I have tons of money.  Way more than I could ever hope to use, and ways of making it multiply.  Legal ways, mind you," Spike stressed at Buffy's disapproving look.  Buffy knew that Spike was lying, about the legal part anyway.  But, she wouldn't fight him on it.  She was too thankful for his support and friendship._

"So, how did the big date go?" Xander asked Buffy.  The slayer held the portable phone as she attempted to talk to Xander, who had called shortly after Josh dropped her off at her apartment, and change her clothes.

"Okay, I guess.  I really like him," Buffy said.

"That's awesome!" Xander said happily.  "I'm so glad that-"

"As a friend," Buffy said, cutting Xander off.  "I mean, I'd love for you to bring him around more so we could hang.  But I don't like him as anything more than a friend."

"Still, I'm glad you had a good time…I'm glad you went out," Xander said.  However, he couldn't keep the slight sound of disappointment out of his voice.

"I'm sorry Xand," Buffy said.

"Don't be Buff," Xander insisted quickly.  "I'm not angry at you.  I'm just upset that you're not happier.  That's all I want.  That's all I care about, and that's all Spike would care about," Xander said.

"I know," Buffy whispered softly.  "Well, I better go, I need to get some sleep."

"Okay, bye Buffster."

"By Xand.  See you tomorrow," Buffy said.

            "So love, you planning on killing that thing anytime soon," Spike asked casually as he watched Buffy beat up a vampire.

_"Eventually," The slayer answered equally as casually.  A few more minutes passed and Spike grew impatient._

_"Love, just stake the poor thing," He insisted._

_"Fine," Buffy huffed, sticking a wooden stake into the heart of the fledgling.  It got a surprised look in its eyes and dissolved into dust.  The pair walked in silence for a few minutes before Spike spoke._

_"What was that all about?" He asked._

_"What do you mean?" Buffy questioned._

_"I mean, you were totally beating on that vampire.  Usually you give them a fairly quick death."_

_"I don't know.  I guess I'm just a little bit bored. I mean, we haven't had any Big Bads for a while," Buffy said.  At Spike's wounded look she quickly amended the statement.  "Besides you of course."_

_"Ta love.  Thanks, but you're right," Spike said._

_"Still, I kind of feel like something should be coming.  I mean, I know I'll regret yearning for a disaster as soon as it strikes, but it would be kind of nice to get to fight an apocalypse or demon or something," Buffy said.  Spike chuckled.  "Kind of funny that you're hoping for an apocalypse.  Not sure how slayer-like that is."_

_"Well, life's funny like that."_

_"Yeah…it really is," The vampire agreed._


	16. Chapter 16

__

"One two three, one two three," A voice in Buffy's head repeated as the slayer went through her training kata. It had been a month since school started and her training had gotten even more serious. Everything she did had to be perfect. Yes, she knew she was the slayer, and Spike her 'watcher,' but over the past week he had gotten even more serious in her training, refusing to let her go home until she had done everything what seemed like two hundred times.

"Again," Spike called. "You weren't concentrating at the end," He added, as Buffy opened her mouth, prepared to protest.

"Yeah well I'm too busy trying to figure out how to remove that stick from your ass to concentrate," Buffy mumbled as she got back into her training stance, preparing to run through her kata for the fifth time in an hour.

"Make that two more times love," Spike said. "And before you talk next time, you might want to remember that this is a very small room, and that I have very good hearing."

"I just don't understand what's gotten into you this past week," Buffy said, speaking in between the blocks, kicks and punches she was doing across the floor.

"What's gotten into me is realizing that this is the calm before the storm. We haven't had any big-bad things, besides myself, for a while now and you need to be prepared," Spike ground out, eyes flashing angrily.

"God Spike, chill…I'm training, I'm training. See, watch me move," Buffy said softly, hoping that by not allowing her temper to meet Spike's he might calm down and tell her what really had him so worried. He had never been one to prepare. When coming across a vamp nest he would rush in, head first, even without any stakes leaving the slayer to follow after him. He wouldn't be this worried about her training unless….Buffy stopped her kata.

"Spike," Buffy said.

"What is it, love?" Spike asked with a sigh.

"What's coming?" The slayer asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, something has got **your** knickers in a twist, as you might say. I want to know what Big Bad is coming."

"No Big Bad," Spike said, rising from where he sat in the corner and walking over to where Buffy stood, atop mats in the center of the training room.

"Spike, don't lie to me," The slayer protested. "I know you want me to train, but until this week you've never been this invested in my training. What's up…tell me."

It would have been easy to lie to her. That is, if her hair hadn't come out of the ponytail it had been in all training session; if it wasn't fanned out across her back. It her skin wasn't glistening from the layer of sweat that had collected while she was training. If she hadn't looked so damn beautiful he could have lied to her. But she did, and he couldn't so Spike did the only thing he could think of. He kissed her.

_The first few seconds of the kiss were bliss to Buffy. The kiss was soft and teasing, tentative and sweet. His lips played against hers and his hands came up and clutched her shoulders softly yet possessively. But after only a few moments it stopped being so wonderful. Buffy pushed Spike away more forcefully than she meant to. He stumbled backwards and fell, landing several feet from her._

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Spike asked angrily, resting his elbows on the floor so he could get a better look at the slayer.

"I hate you," Buffy whispered. The slayer turned and fled from the training room, not even stopping to pick up her coat.

"What did I do?" Spike asked. No one answered his question. The training room was empty.

Buffy patrolled the streets of LA alone. No, patrolled wasn't the right word. Walking aimlessly was more like it. How could he? She had been so stupid those first few seconds, thinking that something inside him had called out to her, thinking that he had kissed her because he loved her, even liked her. Her disillusions were quickly shattered. He was just trying to distract her; he was just trying to keep her from questioning him about the big bad that she knew was lurking on the horizon. How could he do that?

How could she do that? Walk out of the training room with no explanation. Especially after he kissed her! Oh…kissed her. And she thought…of course it kind of was…but… Spike left the training room in a hurry, grabbing the slayer's coat before he left. He didn't have much time to waste. It would be sunrise soon, and he had a slayer to find.

_Buffy yawned as she got off the elevator and headed down the twisting hallways of her apartment building. She fumbled around in her pockets for a minute before cursing._

"Just my luck. I leave my keys in my jacket pocket and leave my jacket in the training room." Buffy arrived in front of her door and rolled her eyes at her own carelessness, about to turn back around and head out towards the training room when she heard a voice behind her.

"Going somewhere, love?"

"What are you doing here Spike?" Buffy asked without turning.

"I need to talk to you," Spike said, his voice holding no trace of his normally cocky tone.

"About what?" Buffy asked, hands on her hips. Spike pushed off the wall he had been leaning against and walked towards Buffy, placing himself between her and the door so that she was facing him.

"You know what. We kissed Buffy. You and me."

"We kissed because you couldn't bear to tell me what's really on your mind. Instead you chose to shut me up and stop my questions the only way you knew how, and if you-" Buffy was cut off by a pounding sound coming from the floor, followed by a shrill voice yelling "shut up."

"Let's go inside, love," Spike suggested.

"Well I'd love to. But I think God decided that my day wasn't quite good enough. So, God decided to have me leave my jacket, with my key inside, back in the-" Buffy was cut off once more. This time however, by Spike who reached into her jacket pocket and produced her key.

"Brought your coat love. Didn't want you to get cold," Spike explained. Buffy grabbed the key from him and unlocked the door, muttering a thank you as she went inside.

Spike followed the slayer into her apartment and shed his duster, hanging it up neatly on the pegs that Buffy had hung next to the apartment door. Then he followed the slayer into the kitchen where she had begun to boil hot water, knowing that Spike would want hot chocolate. When Buffy heard Spike enter the kitchen she began to speak once more.

"First of all, you should have told me that something was coming. Second of all, you shouldn't have kissed me to get me to shut up. If you don't want to answer one of my questions then you don't answer it, you don't kiss someone to stop their mouth from moving," Buffy ranted. 

Spike opened a cabinet over the sink and produced two packets of Swiss Miss. He handed them to without a word and watched as she got out two mugs and poured the packets into them. "Last week we kissed for the first time. And I didn't mention it because you didn't mention it. And I figured that since we're working together it was bound to happen. But never more than one time. Then tonight. It was a second time. It happens once and it's a mistake. But a second time, it means something. I thought it meant something. And I know it's stupid but ever since I met you-and I cannot believe I'm telling you this-but ever since I've met you I've felt something for you. I've-" Buffy was cut off by the high pitched whistle of the tea kettle. She turned the stove off and poured the hot water into the two mugs. Spike watched, still silent, as the brown chocolate mix dissolved into the hot water.

"Buffy," He whispered.

"Yes."

"Once is a mistake," Spike kissed Buffy gently on the forehead. "Twice means something," Spike kissed Buffy on the nose. "Three times," The vampire's mouth hovered above the Slayer's.

Buffy didn't wait for Spike to tell her what three times meant. She kissed him. And he was shocked for a minute but all the training they'd done together must have paid off because he reacted lightning fast. And he was kissing her back. And it was better than in the training room, and better than in the apartment, and **much** better than in Buffy's dream. Because this time, no one was being shut up. Buffy had simply found….other uses for Spike's mouth.

Spike backed the slayer against the small table that stood to the side of the kitchen. His eyes were closed but he could still picture her in his mind. Gorgeous. Lips slightly puffy from being kissed, face flushed with the intensity of it all. His hands traveled down to the slayer's waste and then ran back up to her hair, which they threaded in. She had such soft golden hair. She was his goldilocks. His rapunzel. His everything.


	17. Chapter 17

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"Buffy awoke when a small beam of light hit her closed eyes. She moaned sleepily, still not daring to open her eyes and realize that last night had been a dream. It was only when she heard the creak of bedsprings that the slayer tentatively opened her eyes. And there he was. Spike, eyes opened, staring down at her with the most innocent expression on his face. He wore a dimpled smile and his eyes stared into hers curiously. Buffy reached one of her hands up and brushed it gently through Spike's curls. His hair jail must have stopped working while they were sleeping because the normally put-together vampire now sported a head of bleached ringlets.

"Sleep well love?" Spike asked softly. Buffy nodded, snuggling into Spike's chest and murmuring contently when he hugged her closer.

"How long have you been up?" Buffy asked.

"'Bout an hour. I woke up when the sun hit me. Out of instinct I suppose," At Buffy's worried look he added, "there's not enough sunlight coming through to hurt me. Just enough so that I can see your gorgeous face."

Buffy blushed, obviously pleased and looked at Spike's face. She traced one cheekbone gently before leaning up. Their lips were only centimeters apart and both leaned in gently when-

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Spike leaned his head back and groaned in defeat. "Is it too much to ask for one bloody perfect moment?" He asked rhetorically, looking heavenward as Buffy leaned over his chest and unplugged her alarm clock.

"All better," The slayer proclaimed joyously, noticing the angry look on Spike's face.

"Well, the moments ruined so I think-" Spike began, only to be cut off by Buffy's insistent lips upon his. "Right then…moment's back."


	18. Chapter 18

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"Spike, remember a few days ago when we kissed?" Buffy asked the vampire on whose lap she sat. The two were watching Passions and when Buffy's constant fidgeting had distracting Spike from the show he had pulled the Slayer onto his lap and held her still.

"Yes, as I catalogue all the kisses we've shared so that there's no chance of me ever forgetting a single one," Spike responded sarcastically. Buffy turned to face Spike and narrowed her eyes.

"I mean for the first time, in the training room. You were trying to distract me from asking about the new baddie lying on the horizon."

"I remember," Spike said, somewhat distracted by the television.

"Spike, listen to me, this is important," Buffy insisted. Spike rolled his eyes dramatically before hitting the power button on the remote control, plunging the room into almost total darkness.

"We've only been together for a few days and already you're trying to change me, not letting me watch Passions," Spike grumbled.

"You've seen that episode three time!" Buffy exclaimed. "You said that as soon as it came on."

"Well, I like that one," The Vampire protested weakly, knowing that Buffy was right. It was the Slayer's turn to roll her eyes and after doing so she got back to her original point.

"What's the Big Bad that's coming Spike?"

Spike sighed, knowing that she wouldn't let the matter drop. Considering the options for a few scant seconds he realized that it would be better if she knew. "Follow me, love. You need to see it for yourself," Spike said. He removed the Slayer from his lap and slipped his boots on before exiting her apartment, trusting her to follow.

*******************

"S-Sp-Spike?" Buffy said weakly, "Not to sound really girly or anything, But it's just that we're walking together, late at night, in a dark alley, and I'm thinking-"

"You're not scared Slayer, are you?" Spike teased.

"Of course not. I'm just saying that" Buffy began. However, in the distance a loud bang was heard and Buffy shrieked.

"That was a car backfire love," Spike said, looking at the Slayer who clutched his arm, an expression of abject fear on her face.

"Oh," Buffy replied meekly.

"You can beat up a demon until the cows come home but you scream bloody murder every time you see a spider and you can't stand walking through alleys at night," Spike chuckled. "You really are a mystery Summers."

"Yeah well, you're being pretty mysterious yourself tonight mister. Leading me through dark alleys and not telling me where we're heading. And I hope you don't expect me to fight because I only brought one stake and I," Buffy babbled.

"I know love, I know." Spike thought for a moment before speaking. "You once asked me where I lived. I told you that someday I might show you. Today love, is your lucky day."

"So this Big Bad you're showing me is what, you're dirty laundry?" Buffy asked with a smirk.

"It's in a book in my apartment. Now shush or you'll wake the locals," Spike said, squeezing Buffy hand as he sensed her unease, another piece of the eternal mystery of Buffy Summer's. Spike wouldn't have it any other way.


	19. Chapter 19

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"Nice place," Buffy said, her tone laced with sarcasm.

"Haha love. I know it doesn't compare to your place but it's convenient for me. Anyway, when I found this place I only expected to be in the city for a few days," Spike explained. The Vampire gestured for Buffy to take a seat on the musty couch and she did.

The couch the Slayer sat on had most definitely seen better days, as had the rest of the large room. The tile on the floor was coming up and the wooden paneling on the wall had begun to rot. The entire building looked like it might have been a large factory. A 70s style television sat across from the couch, a small table in between the two.

"Was this place a factory?" Buffy asked. Spike had begun to rummage through a large pile of books and papers that sat a few feet away from the couch the Slayer sat on.

"Until about twenty years ago it was. Then there was a fire and the center of the building was burnt out. Only enough of the base was left to keep the building standing. It was never knocked down because all the workers hired 'mysteriously' died. Most of them of blood loss."

"How do you know all of this?" Buffy asked

"The vamps who had this place before I did told me about the history," Spike answered.

"And what happened to them?"

Spike flashed fang at the Slayer and she rolled her eyes.

"You couldn't have just paid them for it," Buffy grumbled.

"What can I say baby. I'm a bad, rude man." 

After a few minutes of silence Spike ceased his search and walked back over to the couch, a book clutched tightly in his hands. Spike flipped through the pages before he settled on one in the center of the book. The page Spike showed the Slayer had a large picture on it and a few lines underneath. The picture was a black and white drawing of what, at first glance appeared to be an average vampire. She was dressed in a 19th Century style of gown with her hair piled atop her head and game face on. However, the caption under the picture indicated that this vampire was anything but ordinary.

The oldest known vampire, Malcah was 1020 when she was captured by the Watcher's Council in 1897.. Being such a powerful vampire, the council found it impossible to kill her. So, they put Malcah into a deep sleep. Legend has it she will rise one hundred years from the day she was left sleeping in the mouth of hell, and will reek havoc on the ones who put her to sleep, and on the world.

"So?" Buffy asked.

"So, Slayer, this means that a very powerful vampire is going to rise and try to destroy the world and the Watcher's Council," Spike exclaimed.

"Spike, it's just a legend. The Watcher's Council put a vamp to sleep and she told them she'd get revenge, it doesn't mean she's going to." Buffy explained.

"The Watcher's Council doesn't think Malcah is going to arise, but vamps know differently. I never met this vampire queen but even I can feel her power and strength coursing through me."

"You're from her line?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. Granted I never met her, so my connection with her is not as strong as some vampires connection, but I can still feel her." Spike answered.

"So how do I stop her? I don't even know where she's going to rise from."'

"The mouth of hell. Loosely translated to Sunnydale. Home of all things not good, and un-pure." Spike said with a humorless chuckle. "Pack a bag baby, we leave tomorrow night."


	20. Chapter 20

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From what Buffy could tell Sunnydale was a one Starbucks town with enough vampires to fill LA. On her and Spike's way from the parking lot into the Sunrise Motel three vampires attacked the duo. They were only fledglings and Spike and Buffy made quick work of them. However, Spike took this as a sign that Malcah's presence had been felt by vampires besides himself and that was why so many of his kind were in Sunnydale. Buffy took it as a sign that he needed to watch less daytime TV. They settled the score by deciding to take the night off from patrol. Exhausted, the pair stumbled into their motel room and fell asleep, both still fully clothed.

"Morning, sunshine," Spike said in sing-song voice. He watched with amusement as Buffy's eyes opened and saw the time on the clock. The Slayer groaned as she realized that Spike wanted to get started on the day.

"Go away. I have important sleep needs," The Slayer complained.

"I know, baby, but right now we have work to do. Supposedly there's a band of humans that fight vamps here. A watcher leads them and they hang out at the Sunnydale High School library."

"So?" Buffy asked.

"So, the sooner we introduce ourselves the sooner we can get their help in figuring out where and when Malcah is going to rise, and what she's going to do once she does," Spike answered.

Buffy rolled out of bed and made her way into the small bathroom. She flicked the light switch, eyes glued to the mirror as the room was illuminated by fluorescent light. The Slayer sensed Spike's presence behind her. However, her eyes were still focused on the mirror and she did not see him.

"Did you ever wonder why no new watcher was sent to train me after Merrick died?" Buffy asked.

"Not really," Spike responded after a moment. "I never really thought about it."

Buffy stared strait into her hazel eye's reflection in the mirror. "They sent a few watcher's the weeks after Merrick died. I ignored them all. Men and women would come to my house while my mom was out, preaching to me about my sacred duty and their wish to train me. I knew that it was important to listen to them. I guess, I just felt like to accept another watcher would be like betraying Merrick's memory. Like maybe he was watching from heaven and would feel like I had replaced him. No one could ever replace him. He was kind of like a father to me." Buffy took a deep breath and Spike placed his hands on her shoulders in an action of comfort and protection.

"Love, if you don't want to talk about it you don't need to-" Spike began. However, Buffy continued speaking, cutting him off.

"If I meet this watcher I just know he'll inform the council of that I contacted them and whatever distracted them from sending council representatives after them will suddenly not seem so important. For the time being they've forgotten about me, and I like it that way. I have you as my watcher, and Merrick's still in my heart. He knows that I haven't betrayed him. It's one thing when you're training me; it's another when a stuffy old man is. Merrick was the only stuffy old man in my life. I don't want another. The council can't be informed of where I am, or what I'm doing," Buffy insisted.

"From all the information I've gathered this watcher isn't like the others. He's not going to betray you. If you tell him that you don't want an official watcher and that you don't want the council to know where you are he won't tell them. Right now the most important thing is to stop Malcah from carrying out her revenge on the Council," Spike explained gently.

"But Spike-"

"It's what Merrick would have wanted," Spike whispered. "It's what Joyce would have wanted."

"And you?" Buffy asked softly.

"I just want to see you happy love. If you don't save the world this time because you're afraid of stuffy English men in suits then I know you won't be happy. I love you, baby. And once we save the world I'll make you a solemn pledge," Spike said.

"What?"

"Lots of celebratory sex," Spike told Buffy, a smirk playing across his lips. The Slayer turned in his arms, looking into his eyes for the first time since the conversation had begun.

"And a few days off of patrolling?" Buffy asked planting playful kisses up and down Spike's neck.

"Anything my love," Spike agreed. "Just to keep you happy. Just so I can see you smile. It's the only glimpse of the sun I get."


	21. Chapter 21

_"The watcher's name is Rupert Giles, he's a librarian at Sunnydale High School," Spike told Buffy as he wove through traffic and pulled into the school's parking lot._

"Does he know we're coming?" Buffy asked.

Spike pulled into a parking space and stopped the car, pocketing the keys and unlocking the doors. "Now why would we tell the old man we're coming? I promise, it'll be much more fun this way. Hey, he might even have a heart attack," Spike joked as he exited the car, pulling his duster over his head and running towards the school entrance to avoid getting burnt by the harmful rays of the sun.

"Sadist," Buffy mumbled, running to catch up with Spike. He may be strange but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Mr. Giles," Buffy called, looking around the Sunnydale High library. The main office had told her and Spike that Rupert Giles was in the library. However, it appeared the room was abandoned. "Is anyone in here?" Buffy asked to the near empty room. Her only answer was silence.

"I guess he's not here. Maybe he's out to lunch or-" Spike began, only to be cut off by Buffy's call of warning. The vampire turned quickly and came face to face with an angry looking man aiming a stake directly at his heart. Spike punched his assailant in the face, sending him falling to the floor. Buffy ran over to the man sprawled out on the ground, about to send a kick to his stomach when Spike called for her to halt.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"It's Mr. Giles," Spike replied, kneeling down next to the man on the floor. Buffy stayed standing.

"Are you Rupert Giles?" She asked.

"Depends who's asking," The watcher replied defiantly.

"I think that's a yes love," Spike said. The Vampire reached out a hand for Mr. Giles to take. The watcher looked at Spike skeptically before taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. 

"I think we got off on the wrong foot Giles," Spike began. "My name is Spike. And this lovely lady," Spike indicated Buffy, "Is Buffy Anne Summer's, slayer extraordinaire."

"Oh, Miss Summers," Giles began, stuttering slightly, a light blush of embarrassment on his cheeks.

"Buffy," The Slayer corrected, amused by the Englishman's politeness, especially after he had attempted to stake Spike.

"Yes, of course, Buffy. I'm so sorry. I assumed that Spike was a vampire. I didn't realize that he was a friend of yours. What a terrible mistake. I apologize and-"

"Actually," Buffy began slowly, unsure of how to explain her relationship with Spike to Giles.

"I am a vampire," Spike said.

"But he's good," Buffy piped in, at Giles worried look.

"Hey," Spike protested. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Let me get this straight, you are the Slayer, and Spike is what? Your stand-in watcher?" Giles asked.

"Kind of. My first watcher, Merrick died last year. I met Spike and he's been training me. Then, about a week ago we…" Buffy hesitated.

"We fell in love and have been dating for about a week," Spike said, picking up from where Buffy left off. Buffy smiled shyly at Spike and the Vampire took her hand reassuringly.

Giles took his glasses of and removed a white handkerchief from the breast pocket of his jacket. "Oh my," He murmured.

"Strange, I know," Buffy said.

Giles didn't respond. He just repeated the same phrase once more. "Oh my."

After explaining to Giles more about the unusual circumstances that had brought Buffy and Spike together the trio began discussing how to fight Malcah.

"I have extensive knowledge of many prophecies, and I have close ties to the Watcher'sCouncil. I assume if they knew that a vampire as powerful as Malcah was going to rise they would notify me," Giles said.

"I understand that you doubt our credibility in the research area. It's just that…Spike knows that Malcah's coming and maybe she's not, but we say she is, and if we're not prepared, well then the world is in huge trouble and it's better if we are prepared and the world's not in trouble than if we aren't and it is so maybe we should-"

Spike put a hand up to end Buffy's rambling.

"Giles, I understand your hesitation. But any demon with a sense of direction can feel this thing coming. I promise you that when Malcah arises Buffy will start to feel it too. And when she does…we need to be ready."

"You're right," Giles muttered, taking off his glasses and putting them up to the light, examining the lenses. "Can you two be here at 8 o'clock or so tonight?"

"Of course," Buffy answered quickly.  
"Excellent, it will be a chance for to introduce you to the students who help me keep the demon population at bay. I think you'll find them smart, efficient…and, for high school students, remarkably mature."

"Willow, let go," A young boy wined as he entered the library next to a red-haired girl who clutched a thin packet of papers in her hand.

"I will not let go," The redhead, Willow, insisted. "This is your term paper and you asked me to edit it."

"Yes, I asked you to edit it, I didn't ask you to demolish my self esteem by causing my paper to bleed red ink from your editing," Xander complained.

"I used green ink," Willow pointed out innocently, grinning mischievously when Xander narrowed his eyes at her.

"Whatever. The point is-"

"Ahh, Willow and Xander. I'm glad you're here. I'd like you to meet Buffy Summers and Spike" Giles paused, unsure of Spike's last name. However, Willow and Xander didn't seem to care. The pair looked, for the first time towards Spike and Buffy, who sat at the rectangular table in the center of the library, looking at the duo with interest.

"Hey," Buffy said with a wave. "I'm Buffy."

"Hi" Xander replied, thoroughly confused at why Giles was bringing friends to their after school meetings, usually saved for discussion matters of the demonic persuasion.

"Giles, didn't we have things to discuss this afternoon?" Willow asked pointedly "You said you wanted to meet Xander and I here after the football game."

"I know. You see, Willow, these two people are not just friends. This young woman, Buffy, is the vampire slayer. And, her friend Spike is a vampire who has been filling in as her watcher," Giles explained.

Willow and Xander each took seats around the table and waited for further explanation.

"Spike and I live in LA. Spike has felt this great power was about to rise in Sunnydale. A vampire named Malcah who years ago was imprisoned inside the hellmouth is going to seek vengeance on the human race after she awakens from years of an enchanted slumber," Buffy explained.

"Wait. I know this one. She needs the kiss of her handsome demon lover," Xander said. Giles looked less than amused. However, Buffy let out a small giggled, causing Xander's chest to swell with pride.

"I'd say we should begin research. Willow, you and Buffy can start looking through the watcher's diaries in my office. Spike and Xander, you two can look through the demonology books, see if they make reference to this vampires' powers," Giles said. There was a moment of pause before everyone shuffled to his or her feet and headed off in separate directions.

"We should really get started reading these," Willow said, staring regretfully at the large stack of watcher's diaries that were piled in Giles office.

"Yeah. We really should," The slayer agreed. Both picked up a diary from Giles' desk and sat on the floor. "Besides, it's not like we have anything else to do."

Buffy and Willow locked eyes and in seconds the watcher's diaries lay forgotten as they moved closer together and began gossiping.

"Spike seems so sweet," Willow said.

"Oh, he is. It's hard to remember that he's a vampire sometimes."

"It's so obvious that he loves you. Just from seeing the way he looked at you while we were sitting around the table I could tell he cared for you," Willow assured the Slayer.

Buffy smiled in obvious pleasure. "What about you? Any boys in your life?"

Willow giggled and the two girls leaned closer together, gossiping some more.

"Listen to them," Xander muttered, flipping through the pages of a musty book on demonology. "Probably in Giles office gossiping while we're stuck in here reading book in Latin."

Spike leaned over Xander's book. "Um…that's English."

Xander blushed as he mumbled an excuse to cover his embarrassment, "Not like it would make much of a difference." Spike shook his head and was about to go back to research when he heard part of Buffy and Willow's conversation. So, Buffy thought he was sweet. Spike grinned slightly when he knew that no one was looking. His grin turned to a frown when he imagined Buffy's look of disappointment if she found out he had missed an opportunity to help someone out.

"Not good at writing?" Spike asked casually.

"Terrible at it. Willow edited my paper and I realized how much work I have to do. My paper is due tomorrow, we have a demon to fight, and I have no date for homecoming."

"The demon part…well, with the Slayer and I working with you the redhead and the watcher I wouldn't worry about it. As far as the date goes, I can probably figure something out. And as for the English paper, give it to me and we'll talk about it," Spike said. Xander looked at the vampire, searching his face for any signs of mocking; when he found none he handed the paper to Spike.

The Vampire read the paper over three times before he acknowledged the fact that Xander had been leaning over his shoulder the entire time. "You can sit down. I won't finish with the paper any faster because I can feel your breath on my neck." Spike turned to look at Xander who had sat back down in his seat. "Though it did tingle…in a good way," He whispered, voice breathy. Xander's eyes widened and his chair tipped backwards, spilling the raven-haired boy onto the floor.

"Is everything all right?" Giles asked, rushing out from behind the library stacks, a thick book clutched in his hands, his glasses perched on his nose. Xander waved Giles back into the stacks, ignoring the sounds of Spike's deep chuckle.

"Okay. You've had your fun. Now give me my paper back," Xander demanded.

"Calm down, I was just playing with you," Spike said, his chuckle's stopped and he turned serious. "The paper's not bad. Your grammar needs a little work, but that's easy to fix. You need more passion in your writing. This paper doesn't move me. It doesn't make me want to learn more. It doesn't-"

"It's about Julius Caesar, of course you don't want to learn more," Xander said sarcastically.

"You should. I mean it's easy to be passionate about Romeo and Juliet, or want Portia to find a suitor. What's hard is to truly understand the drama of Julius Caesar and become passionate about that too," Spike said.

"It has nothing to do with my life! How am I supposed to be passionate about that?" Xander asked angrily.

"Maybe that's something that you need to figure out," Spike answered. He shook his head in disgust before picking up the book he had been looking through and heading towards Giles office where he could still hear Buffy and Willow giggling and gossiping.

Xander looked down at the paper clutched in his hands. "That my friend, is a man with issues," He said to himself. Then Xander sat down to write.


	22. Chapter 22

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Buffy rubbed her eyes and refocused them on the pages of the watcher's diary that lay on the table in front of her.

"Spike," Buffy said.

"Yeah love."

"Are the words supposed to be blurry?"

"I don't think so. Tired baby?" Spike asked.

Buffy yawned, "How'd you guess?"

"We can go in a minute, let me just talk to Giles. I'll give him the phone number of our hotel room and we'll arrange a time to meet tomorrow," Spike said.

"Kay," Buffy answered, leaning down on the table and using her arms as a pillow. Spike kissed the top of her hair gently and went into Giles' office where the watcher sat, nursing a cup of tea.

"Anything?" Spike asked.

"I'm afraid not. It seems that all people who have met Malcah have perished. I found a paragraph on her in Vampire's of the 1800s, but it just made reference to the fact that she had caused mayhem in Asia. There was no reference to her wielding any sort of great power besides that of an ordinary vampire." Giles answered.

"No magic, you mean?"

"None. She's just your typical vampire."

"Only she's not. I can feel it Giles. This vampire has powers beyond those that any vampire on earth today can even invoke. Maybe not magic, but something." Spike ran a hand through his hair. "Buffy's tired so I'm going to take her back to the hotel. I'll leave our phone number on the table outside. Give me a call if you find anything."

"I will," Giles replied. He touched the Vampire's arm gently as Spike rose. "Don't worry, we'll keep her safe."

Spike gave the Watcher a tight smile. "I never doubted it."

Buffy awoke the next morning to the shrill ring of the telephone. She groped around the nightstand until her hand came in contact with the receiver.

"'Lo," Buffy said groggily.

"Rise and shine Slayer," Spike sing-songed.

"Go away," Buffy moaned.

"I'm at the library. Giles found a text that makes reference to the source of Malcah's power. It seems that-"

"The library? What are you doing there?" Buffy asked, her mind having trouble grasping any of what Spike had just said.

"I left in the middle of the night. I left you a note telling you to meet me at the library when you woke up," Spike explained.

"Spike, it's like seven o'clock in the-"

"It's one o'clock in the afternoon love," Spike cut in.

"Oh. Meet you in the library in an hour," Buffy said, resigning herself to the fact that she would have to get up.

"Okay, see you then," Spike said. He whispered softly into the telephone, "I love you."

Buffy smile against the telephone, "If you really loved me you'd let me sleep."

"See you in an hour love," Spike responded before hanging up the phone.

"Did you tell her what we found?" Giles asked, coming into his office.

"I didn't have the heart to. I don't want to worry her. I'd rather talk about it when she gets here."

"I'm sure she'll be fine. If she's as good as you say she is-"

"She is," Spike insisted.

"Then don't worry. We'll do more research and we'll fight Malcah.

"I know, I know." Spike ran a hand through his hair. "I'm going to look at the weapons your have in the back. Call me when Buffy gets here."

Giles nodded and sat down by his desk, hunched over a thick text entirely devoted to the secrets that vampire hunters had collected: secrets that included facts about traditional vampire rituals, ceremonies, oaths and training manuals.

"What are you looking at?" Buffy asked. Giles jumped up from his chair and turned to face the slayer.

"Buffy! I didn't see you," Giles said.

"Obviously," Buffy replied. "Everything okay?"

"Yes. I've just…well, I've discovered some troubling news about Malcah."

"Anything I should know?" The Slayer asked.

"Not yet. Spike's in back looking at weapons. I'm sure he'll be eager to train with you." Giles answered.

"Okay. Call if you need anything. I guess we'll be in the room in back," Buffy said before turning on her heel and heading towards the back room.

"Spike, you in here?" Buffy asked, walking into the room in back of the library where Giles kept his extra weapons. "Spike, Giles said you were here so if you're planning on jumping out from behind me and attacking me you-" Buffy was interrupted when Spike landed on top of her, pressing her shoulders and cheek into the few training mats that were on the floor.

"Somebody wasn't watching their back," Spike taunted as Buffy wriggled underneath him, trying to get free.

"Well, I wasn't really expecting a surprise attack," The Slayer admitted.

Spike chuckled, "I think that's the nature of a surprise attack love."

Buffy pouted. "The surprise attacks that you're used to maybe."

Spike rolled off the Slayer, the feel of her hot body wiggling under his too much for him to bear.

"Should we train?" Spike asked, rising and helping Buffy to her feet.

"I guess. Did you find any good weapons?" Buffy asked.

Spike pointed to a chest in the corner. "There are weapons in there. Stakes, holy water, broad axes, two swords, and some odds and ends."

"Ooh, can we play with swords?" Buffy asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of a new weapon to "play with."

"Not right now. According to the minimal information we've found Malcah wields no power other than that of an ordinary vampire. It's just that she's a fighter unlike any other. She's mastered many fighting techniques. More than she should have been able to based on her age and lineage."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"Vampires strength comes from various sources. The more blood they're given when sired the stronger they are right away. A minion would be given only enough blood for them to rise again. Not enough to tie them to their sire or make them feel a connection to the other vampires they're living with. A minion is meant only to be a loyal worker. It's rare that they live long enough to achieve any sort of status. A fledgling would be given more blood than a minion. Enough to have them feel a slight connection with their sire. Fledglings are meant to be loyal servants. They usually separate from their sire after anywhere from twenty to fifty years," Spike explained.

"Why?" Buffy asked.

"Well, a childe is meant to become a master vampire one day. When they rise they are given enough blood to make them strong. They have all the culture of their line. So a fledgling does not have that. Therefore, once strong enough they'll go out on their own and attempt to start a vampire clan," Spike explained.

Buffy sat down on the floor and at Spike's indication began doing push ups. "So, Malcah was a childe?"

"Yes. She was sired by The Master."

Buffy's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Who's The Master?"

"He was one of the first vampires ever to walk this earth. He died years ago but while alive he only sired three childer; Malcah, Lorraine and Darla. They went on to begin three of the most prestigious vampire clans," Spike said.

"You've mentioned Darla before," Buffy said, pausing in her pushup routine.

"Yes. She sired Angelus who was my sire. The Master only sired females. He believed that females were stronger than males and that one day it would be a female who would destroy the world and bring vampires to complete power," Spike explained.

Buffy smile, "For an evil guy he certainly seems okay to me."

Spike rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "I thought you'd like that." Spike's smile turned to a frown. "The truth of the matter is that Malcah has power because of being a direct descendent from The Master's line, but she also has some other source of power."

"And you're sure it's not something magical. I mean, what if she has some sort of spell to combine her powers with the powers that another vampire wielded. Like if she was combining her powers with The Master's, or with Darla and Lorraine's."

"The council, made no indication in any of their books to a spell. Giles and I think that she has some sort of vampire guide book," Spike explained.

Buffy stretched her arms out, knowing that tomorrow morning they would be sore. Then she lay on her back and began doing crunches. "Where is this guide book?"

"It was lost over a hundred years ago. At least, that's what most vampires believed. However, Malcah may have managed to get her hands on it. I don't know much about its history but I'll ask Giles to look into it." Spike said.

"So we find it," Buffy suggested. Spike looked at her, confusion marring his features. "Malcah must have known she was going to be captured someday. She probably wanted to protect the book and its secrets, keep it in the family and all that. She must have hidden it somewhere. If we can find it before she wakes up we might have found the key to defeating her."

Spike knelt next to the Slayer and she stopped doing crunches for a moment. "Baby, I think you might be a genius."

"Might," she teased gently. Spike closed his eyes and leaned toward Buffy's pursed lips, surprised when she clasped her hands at the nape of his neck and pulled Spike's lips down to hers.

Miles below the floor of Sunnydale High School's library Malcah turned over in her enchanted slumber…fidgeted slightly…and then began snoring…


	23. Chapter 23

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"Spike!" A voice called. Spike looked up from his research in time to see Xander rushing through the library doors, a while piece of paper clutched in his hand.

"Xander, I know these past few days have been hectic but I insist that you remain respectful of the libraries rules," Giles said, coming out of his office and sitting down across from Spike.

Xander narrowed his eyes in confusion, "What?"

"He wants you to be quiet in the library," Buffy explained, coming out from behind the stacks, her arms filled with heavy texts. Xander saw the Slayer struggling to look at the library steps and carry books and he rushed up to help her. Spike watched the exchange with jealousy masked in amusement. He could hear Xander's heart beating faster than it had a moment ago and he could hear the boy's eagerness to help Buffy in all his movements.

"Xander," Spike said, interrupting the boys conversation with the Slayer, "I need to talk to you."

"What's up?" The boy asked.

Spike started walking and motioned for Xander to follow. "Come into Giles' office. We'll talk."

Xander settled himself on Giles' desk chair and looked up at Spike who had taken a seat on the desk, his feet hanging casually off the side.

"What did you want to talk about?" Spike asked.

"When?"

"When you first came in the library, you had a paper in your hand and you were calling my name," Spike clarified.

"Oh!" Xander exclaimed, excited once more. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a slightly more crinkled version of the paper that had been in his hand when he first entered the library. "Read it and weep"

Spike took the paper from Xander's outstretched hand and looked it over carefully.

"Or cheer, if you'd perform. Because I mean, you don't actually need to weep. I can't really imagine you crying…that would just be weird. But maybe-"

Spike cut off Xander off. "This is incredible."

Xander blushed, "I know. It's like my first non-D…ever!"

"Ever what?" Buffy asked, bouncing into the room and coming to stand beside Spike who placed a possessive hand on her hip.

"I got a B+ on my English paper," Xander told the Slayer, smiling when he received a hug.

"That's amazing Xand. Listen, we've been researching for like…two days straight. Why don't we take a break and go out tonight?" Buffy suggested. "It can be like a celebration of your good grade."

"But love, I thought we were going to try and find out the location of Malcah's book. We don't have much time before she rises and we need to find the book, study it, use some of whatever training methods it gives us-" Spike stopped talking as soon as he saw the pout Buffy had aimed in his direction.

"But you promised to take me dancing, and Wills told me about this awesome club at the edge of town that's kind of like Karma and I thought you could take me," The Slayer said.

Spike rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. "Insistent little chit aren't you?"

Buffy leaned over and whispered in Spike's ear. "I have a surprise for you."

Spike looked at Buffy, question written in his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Take me dancing and you'll find out tonight," Buffy said, taking a step back from Spike. Before she knew what hit her Spike had grabbed her and crushed his mouth to hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth and engaging hers in an erotic battle.

"Ummm…excuse me….Buffy? Spike?" Xander rolled his eyes as the Vampire and Slayer continued to kiss, unaware of Xander's pointed throat clearing. It wasn't until Giles walked in and pulled the two apart that they stopped kissing.

"If you two are quite through I believe I have some information about the whereabouts of the book we are looking for. It's usually referred to by the name Tri and was written by the Master as a gift for his three childer. Malcah was the last remaining childe of the master so, even though she was the youngest, she ended up with the Tri," Giles explained, not noticing the blush that had spread across all of Buffy's face.

"So does that mean we have to do research tonight?" Xander asked.

"I'm afraid not. You see, there's no way for us to get the book until tomorrow night when the-" Giles was cut off by Willow's sigh.

"No research tonight?"

"Wills, it's totally cool. You know the club you were telling me about, The Bronze? Xander, you, Spike and I are going to go there," Buffy told Willow.

"Oooh! Yay!" Willow said happily.

"Yes, well I'm happy to see that you all won't be too upset that we don't have research to do today," Giles said sarcastically.

"Don't worry about us. And now, if that's all I better go. Come with me Willow, because if you don't then I'm pretty certain I'll get lost," Buffy said.

"Where are you guys going?" Xander asked. Buffy and Willow made eye contact before looking at Xander with expressions that clearly said "duh" on their faces.

"The mall," The girls answered in unison before breaking out into laughter.

"Of course…the mall…and us boys will just…" Spike trailed off when he realized that both Buffy and Willow had already headed out of Giles office, calling that they would meet the boys at the Bronze after sunset.


	24. Chapter 24

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Buffy and Willow walked through the mall, Lemonades clutched firmly in their hands.

"I want an outfit that will make Spike flip," Buffy said, stopping in front of a display window.

"Do you have a budget?" Willow asked. "Because this store is kind of expensive."

"I do have a budget. Basically, I shouldn't even be doing this," Buffy admitted.

"But…"

"But, the only clothes I bought are slay friendly. Tonight I want something sexy," Buffy said.

Willow arched an eyebrow, "So, we're going in?"

"Most definitely," Buffy answered and proceeded to throw out her lemonade into a nearby trashcan and march proudly into the shop. Willow shook her head and with a look of amusement of her face followed the Slayer.

"I haven't been shopping in ages," Buffy said when she felt Willow's presence behind her.

"Don't you go with your friends in LA? I mean, I thought it was like…shop city there," Willow asked.

"Things are pretty expensive in lA, but there are definitely enough shoes to keep me happy," Buffy said with a humorless laugh. There was an awkward silence, which the Slayer broke. "To tell you the truth I don't really have any friends. I used to. I used to be miss popularity. Then I started slaying and I didn't have time for friends. Now I either drag Spike someplace with me or go alone."

Willow placed a comforting hand on the Slayer's back. "I know how you feel."

Buffy looked at the redhead with surprise.

"Xander and I are pretty much on our own. We started demon hunting with Mr. Giles and any friends we did have we lost. There used to be three of us; Myself, Xander and another boy, Jesse. Jesse moved to New York, Xander and I met Mr. Giles and the rest is a very lonely history," Willow said. 

"I'm kind of glad I became the Slayer. I hated it at first, I've seen so many people I care about dead," Buffy admitted, thinking about Merrick. "But I've also met so many great people. I feel closer to you and Xander than I've felt to anyone for a long time."

Willow smiled. "Enough of this sappy stuff. Let's find you the sexy outfit you want."

********************************

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Xander asked, coming into the room in back of the library where Spike was doing push ups.

"What are you talking about?" Spike asked.

"Earlier, in Giles office. You said you had something to talk to me about. Was it just because you wanted to see how I did on the paper or was there something else?"

"A few things actually," Spike said. The Vampire got up from his push up position and walked over to the corner where he had thrown his shirt upon entering the "training room."

"You gonna' tell me what you wanted to say or just stand there with your shirt in your hands?" Xander asked sarcastically.

Spike rolled his eyes before putting his shirt on. "When I helped you on your paper you mentioned something about not having a date to a school dance. I promised to help you." Spike reminded Xander.

"I remember."

"When is the dance?" Spike asked.

"Next Friday night," Xander answered. "You think you can get me a date?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll have an address of a girl for you to pick up at seven o'clock next Friday night."

"But the game starts at six," Xander protested.

"That's why you're getting there at seven," Spike explained. The vampire shook his head, annoyed at Xander's lack of knowledge about the ways of women. "You, my friend, have a lot to learn about girls."

*****************************************

__

"So, Spike was talking to me about some dance that he's trying to get Xander a date to," Buffy said as she slipped into a short red dress inside one of the changing stalls at the small boutique she and Willow had stopped at.

"Yeah. The homecoming dance is next Friday and Xander is dying to go," Willow told the Slayer.

"Are you going to go?" Buffy asked.

"I don't think so. I'm not really a dance person. And I don't have a date," Willow said.

"Well, maybe you'll find someone tonight. Some cute guy you can ask to the dance."

"Ask to the dance," Willow squeaked out nervously.

"Yeah. How else are you going to find a date?" The Slayer asked, oblivious to the source of Willow's nervousness.

Willow bit her nails as she paced nervously outside the stall where Buffy was changing. "I'm kind of, not so good with the making a move. I usually wait for a guy to ask me out, and that has only happened once."

"I didn't know you'd gone out with someone. Tell me about it," Buffy said, excited at the prospect of gossiping about boys. She had enjoyed getting to talk about Spike with someone and was excited that Willow would be reciprocating.

"There is not much to tell," Willow said.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"It was Xander, I was ten." Willow stated simply.


	25. Chapter 25

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Willow glanced at the clock that stood on her nightstand, then back at the partially dressed Slayer. She wiggled her toes insider her sneakers nervously before returning her attention to the neon digits of the clock which had advanced two minutes.

"Um, Buffy," Willow began.

"What's up?" The Slayer asked, slipping into a sexy purple dress and matching sandals.

"It's just…we were supposed to be at the Bronze fifteen minutes ago, and it's a twenty minute walk there from my house and if we don't leave soon then we shouldn't either bother going."

Buffy smiled at her friends naiveté. "Silly Willow, silly, silly Willow."

"What?"

"We need to make them wait. If we show up right on time, or early, they won't appreciate us as much," The Slayer explained.

"I don't understand."

"If we come on time all they'll do is look us once over and then go about their conversations. If we come in late they'll be angry that we've kept them waiting so long. Then, by the time they finally see us we'll blow them away with out beauty and they'll forget all about their anger."

Willow smiled at Buffy's logic. Though she saw that it made sense to Buffy she was still grateful that the Slayer had finished putting up her hair and they could go to the Bronze.

***************

"Where are they?" Xander asked Spike impatiently.

The vampire smirked. "You really thought they would be on time?"

"Willow's always on time," Xander responded, not understanding why Spike was mocking him.

"Well let me give you a little bit of advice about women. Trust me, with the girl I found you, you'll need it next weekend. Lesson the first, they want to be noticed. To be noticed they'll show up late on a date so they know they have your full attention. Now, while you are waiting for them you must constantly be on the alert. The second they walk through the door looking stunning you should be by their side telling them they look lovely and offering them your arm."

"This isn't the seventeen hundreds, Spike. I don't think women need that much attention," Xander assured the vampire. 

Spike shook his head. "In a few seconds Buffy and Willow are going to come through the Bronze door. When they do you stay back here," Spike said, indicating the table that the two were sitting at.

"Why?" Xander asked.

"So you can watch and learn," Spike responded with a smirk before standing and making his way to the entrance of the Bronze. True to his word Buffy and Willow came through the door the second he reached it.

Xander watched in amazement as Spike spoke to the Slayer, saying something that caused her cheeks to redden before he planted a soft kiss on her lips. Then he turned and bestowed the same attention to Willow. However, he only kissed the redhead on the cheek. Xander stood as Spike ushered Willow and Buffy to the table the men had claimed.

"How did you do that?" Xander asked softly to Spike after the vampire had come to sit beside him.

Spike grinned, "What can I say. I'm a charmer."

"So Buff, anything new going on with you?" Xander asked.

Buffy arched an eyebrow, "You mean since this afternoon?" She asked.

"Just making conversation," Xander mumbled.

"Sorry Xand, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease you."

"I forgive but I do not forget," Xander declared playfully.

"Fine, I'll bite. My afternoon was basically spent…" Buffy trailed off and turned her attention away from her friends.

"What is it love?" Spike asked, concerned.

"Vampires."

Spike followed Buffy's eyes in time to see the door that led out to the alley behind the Bronze close. "They're in the alley."

"How many are there?" Willow asked.

"I only saw three."

"We can handle three. Can we handle three? We can handle three," Xander decided.

"I can handle three. You guys can stay put."

"Buffy, I know you're worried about us, but we have been fighting vampires for a while. We can handle it," Willow assured the Slayer.

"I know you guys can handle a few vamps, but with Malcah about to rise who knows how dangerous these vamps are. They could be working for her or-"

"Or nothing. No matter what this big-bad is we'll be able to deal with it better if we stick together."

"Whatever, the point is we don't have time to discuss this now. I'm going to head out back and see if they're still there. We'll talk about this later," Buffy declared, standing and heading towards the back door of the Bronze. Just as she reached the door to the Bronze Spike watched her produce a stake from the confines of her clothing and then slip out the door and into the alley.

"So, we just going to sit here because she tells us to?" Xander asked.

"Of course not you git. Lesson the second. Women never say what they mean. Let's go," Spike said, rising to his feet and heading in the direction the Slayer had.

"As much as I'm on board with that for the sake of women everywhere I'd like it if you refrained from general statements like saying that 'women never say what they mean' because to be perfectly honest-" Willow ranted, only to stop when she realized that Xander and Spike had both headed towards the door. "Ugh! Men. They talk, talk, talk, but they never listen."


	26. Chapter 26

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All of Buffy's senses were on alert as she surveyed the alley outside the Bronze for any signs of vampires. "Come out, come out wherever you are," She called. The Slayer received no response and was about to go back inside the Bronze when she heard a large crash. Buffy headed down the alley and towards where she heard the crash. She stopped when she came to a dead end.

"I have to admit, I wasn't sure that you would fall for it. I mean, I knew you'd come outside and try and help the innocent human I'd dragged out here, but I didn't think you'd come out without backup," An unidentified female voice said. Buffy turned around cautiously, attempting to figure out where the sound came from.

"You can't see me yet. It doesn't matter how many times you turn around…won't help."

"Any particular reason you called me here, or was it just to give me a lecture about being cautious?" The Slayer asked.

"Just wanted to introduce myself," The voice answered.

"Well allow me to give you a pointer. Visibility…big plus."

The unidentified voice laughed. "You're a funny one. They told me you would be."

"Who told you what?" Buffy asked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just making conversation Slayer. I've been watching you and your friends research. Trying to learn everything you can about how to defeat the renowned Malcah."

"And what…you had something you wanted to add, or you just wanted to ruin my night?" Buffy asked. She waited a few minutes for a response to come and when none did she began to get worried. "Hello," She called out.

"Just thought I should let you in on a little secret," The voice said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. And what is that?"

"I'm already here sweetcheeks. And right now, you're playing with the big girls. So I would either go home…or get ready to die."

"Y-y-you're…" Buffy trailed off when she heard footsteps coming towards her. Suddenly Spike, Xander and Willow appeared next to her.

"You okay love?" Spike asked. "We heard voices."

"I'm fine. I think…" Buffy stopped talking.

Spike's brow furrowed as he looked at the slayer with concern. "What is it, love? What's wrong?"

"I think I just talked to Malcah," the Slayer admitted.

"That's impossible," Xander said. "I thought Malcah wasn't going to rise for a while."

"I guess she didn't get the memo," Buffy said with a humorless laugh.

"You okay? She didn't hurt you did she?" Spike asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about why she rose so early. And why neither of us felt anything. Don't you think that you, at least, would have felt a vampire with her strength rise?" Buffy asked.

"I should have. I…I don't understand what happened," Spike admitted.

"I think that we should go find Giles," Willow suggested.

Xander nodded his consent. "Giles is the answer man. He will definitely know what's up."

******************************************

"I'm telling you Xander. I have no idea what's going on," Giles said for the third time since Xander, Buffy, Spike and Willow had entered the library, wondering what was going on.

"I don't think what's important is how Malcah rose, or why she rose early. I think what we should be concentrating on is getting the Tri and then concentrating on fighting her," Buffy said.

Spike nodded, "I agree, love. The problem is that your plan sounds a lot easier than it actually is."

"I know. I just think that our best shot at defeating Malcah is a straight out fight. I mean, I've been training harder than ever with you. I know I can fight her. And besides, I'll have back up." Buffy smiled at Willow, Xander at Giles. "I'll have you guys."

Xander smiled back at the slayer. "You bet Buffster. We're like the Scooby Doo gang."

"You watch Scooby Doo?" Buffy asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah. Willow and I used to watch it all the time when we were younger."

"I didn't know that you liked Scooby Doo," Willow said, surprised. "I always assumed that you…well, I never really thouht of you watching cartoons."

"Oh yeah. Spike and I love Scooby Doo," Buffy said.

Xander broke out into hysterical giggles. "You watch Scooby Doo?" He asked in between chuckles, pointing at Spike.

"What of it?" The vampire answered, smoothing the lapels of his duster. "Something funny about what the big bad watches on the telly?"

Xander paused before answering, "Um…yeah."

Buffy placed a comforting hand on Spike's shoulder. "I don't think what's important is that your manhood has been compromised."

Spike pouted, causing Buffy to smile at him reassuringly. "What's important is that you, Mr. Big bad, manage to help me keep everyone safe. And maybe if you're a good boy you can have a scooby snack afterwards," Buffy teased, finishing in a baby voice.

Spike rolled his eyes before rising to the bait and pulling the Slayer down onto the floor next to him and beginning a wrestling match.

Giles, Willow and Xander watched Buffy and Spike with amusement. It was strange to see a master vampire engaging in a childish wrestling match with a slayer. However, what made it stranger was that every time their faces got close to one another they would kiss briefly, breaking apart to continue the match.

"Well, enough of this. We should gather supplies and do a spell to try and locate the Tri," Giles suggested.

"I'll go to the magic shop to get supplies," Willow said, stepping over Buffy and Spike, who had continued to wrestle, oblivious to the plans the others had made.

"I'll go with," Xander said, doing the same and walking out of the library with Willow.

Giles nodded. "Excellent, it's a plan then." With those final words he headed into his office, leaving Buffy and Spike sprawled out on the floor. Watcher training had definitely not prepared him for this.


	27. Chapter 22

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"How exactly does the spell work?" Buffy asked, perched on the library table, watching as Giles poured herbs in a circle around himself.

"I will be performing a summoning spell. It should reveal to me the location of the Tri," Giles explained.

Spike placed white crystals down inside the circle Giles had formed. "Once we find the location of the book how do you suggest we get it? Malcah's already here and I don't think that we really have enough time to take a trip to wherever the book is located."

"Spike has a point," Willow said, sprinkling rose water atop the circle of herbs Giles had made. "What are we going to do if the book is in like…Australia or something."

"Isn't there a summoning spell we could do that would make the book appear in front of us?" Xander asked.

"I'm afraid that a spell of that caliber is well above my skill level," Giles admitted. "However, being that not only is this the hellmouth, but a place that Malcah spent much time in near her capture it is possible that she hid the book here."

"Finally!" Xander exclaimed. Everyone looked in his direction. "Evil gives us a break," He finished sheepishly.

Buffy smiled. "I agree Xand. Three cheers for Malcah…or…you know what I mean."

"Seldom if ever," Spike said.

"Was I talking to you?" Buffy asked in mock anger.

"Maybe," Spike answered with a smirk.

Buffy motioned for Spike to come closer to her, "You have something to say to me mister?"

"And if I do?" Spike asked.

Buffy smiled and was about to respond. However, Giles cut her off. "If we can pause watching Spike and Buffy flirt and return our attention to the matter at hand I think that I am ready to begin the summoning spell."

Buffy blushed and Spike merely surveyed the scoobies with a smug look on his face. It was Willow who broke the silence. "Do you want me to dim the lights, Giles?" She asked.

"Now really Willow. This isn't a storybook. The spell will work just as well if the lights are on or off," Giles scolded.

"Come on G-man," Xander urged. "You're saying that you think a little mood lighting wouldn't help at all?"

"Xander, I have asked you repeatedly to not call me G-man. And, in response to your inquiry, yes. I am telling you that a little mood lighting would not do a single thing."

"Oh Giles, come on. What can it hurt to dim the lights. It'll make it much more exciting. I mean, you get to do a spell, the rest of us are just onlookers. I think that we could all benefit from a little mood lighting," Buffy said.

"All right!" Giles screamed, losing his temper. "Turn down the blasted lights and be quiet. This is a serious matter and we do not have time for a debate on such trivial matters as lighting."

The scoobies looked around sheepishly at one another. Xander turned down the lights and Giles began the spell. "Master of the lost. Keep me in your graces. Grant me my desire. Give me what I crave."

After Giles finished the spell no one spoke. He rose from his kneeling position and walked into his office.

"What is he doing?" Buffy asked in a whisper. Spike responded with a shrug.

"Maybe the spell didn't work and he went into his office to cry," Willow offered as a suggestion. The rest of the scoobies gave Willow a strange look and the redhead blushed.

"Well, maybe the spell did work and he realized it was hopeless so he-" Buffy began, only to be cut off by Giles.

"Or maybe he realized he'd had the book the entire time," The librarian said. Everyone turned their attention to Giles who held up a thin paperback book. It was obviously old and the cover was faded. However the word Tri could still be made out.

"Giles, how did you have a book this famous in your office and not realize it?" Buffy asked.

"A few weeks ago a friend of mine shipped some books he had come across during a dig in England. He hadn't looked through the stack yet, but he knew that I had studied the caves he was exploring in detail and thought I might be interested in what he found. He had no idea that the Tri was among the books he found," Giles explained.

"Can I see it?" Buffy asked. Giles nodded and handed the book to the slayer. Buffy flipped through the pages, stopping every once in a while to examine something more closely.

"What does the book say?" Spike asked Buffy gently.

The Slayer smiled at him. "Stuff," she answered.

"Wow Buff, ambiguous much?" Xander said sarcastically.

"I don't know. This is all pretty overwhelming. Malcah being back, finding the Tri. I'm so…" Buffy trailed off.

"I know exactly what you mean," Willow said. "Sometimes, when I read a really good book or finally find what I'm looking for after years of research I get so excited and overwhelmed."

The room went silent as all the scoobies turned to look at Willow in wonder.

"Yeah, reading. That always makes me excited too," Xander said dryly.

Willow blushed. "Be quiet Xander. Stop making fun of me."

"Sorry Willow. But you know how hard it is to resist making fun of you."

Buffy smiled at Spike, "See bleach boy, when I tease you it's because I just can't resist."

Spike growled playfully, his eyes flashing yellow for a moment.

Giles watched the vampire and Slayer interact with wonder. It was like this every time they were together. The air crackled with energy and the tension between the two…the love between the two, could be felt by everyone in the room. Giles took of his glasses and cleaned them thoroughly as Spike pulled Buffy to him for a deep kiss.

"Um…why don't the two of you…maybe go home. We can reconvene at the library later tomorrow," Giles suggested, his words punctuated by several clearings of his throat. Buffy through Giles a winning smile before grabbing Spike's hand and pulling him towards the door, shouting good bye to Willow and Xander as she left the library. The library doors swung to a halt and the scoobies could hear shrieks and laughs echoing down the hall.


	28. Chapter 23

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"Defeating Malcah comes one simple thing," Giles explained, circling around the blindfolded slayer, who stood in the center of the training room. "Being a better fighter than her."

"And how do I do that?" Buffy asked.

"You are the slayer and you are preparing for battle with an opponent who has every advantage. So, you must be better than her. Every punch she throws you must counter, every attack you make must inflict damage. You must move silently and stealthily. You must never let your guard down," Giles said.

"I get all that Giles. The problem is doing it," Buffy explained.

"One more thing Buffy…" Giles trailed off and Buffy opened her mouth to ask him what he was about to say. At that moment the Slayer was attacked by Spike.

Buffy rolled to her feet and got into her fighting stance. She could sense Spike's presence but he was not standing in one place. The vampire was circling around her, much like they had done when they had first began sparring, several months ago.

"Reach your senses out, Buffy. Find Spike and then attack. You are at a disadvantage, you cannot see him. So every attack you make must do twice as much damage as the attacks you usually make," Giles said from his position in the corner of the room.

Buffy could feel Spike getting closer, probably preparing to attack once more. However, as soon as he got close to her and Buffy lashed out with a punch from her right hand the Slayer realized that was what he had been expecting her to do. Spike caught Buffy's fist and twisted it roughly behind her back. He then took hold of her other arm and, before the Slayer had time to react, her hands were tied firmly behind her back.

"Spike! Untie me you peroxide rat!" Buffy commanded.

"Can't do that Slayer. You need to understand what it means to fight at a disadvantage," Spike told Buffy. The Slayer was sure that he wore a smirk on his face.

"And you're oh so conveniently-" Buffy began, only to be cut off when Spike's foot connected with her chest, sending the Slayer spiraling backwards.

Buffy stopped talking and concentrated on the fight. She could feel Spike's presence around her and knew that if her hands were not bound she would have no problem beating him. Unfortunately, she could do nothing in her present state. Well, not exactly nothing. Buffy lashed at Spike wish a jump kick. However, he caught her foot before it made contact with his chest. Spike flipped the Slayer up. As soon as she landed on the ground once more Buffy rolled onto the floor and kicked Spike behind his knee, sending the vampire to the ground. The Slayer pinned Spike's hands to the ground with her feet and stradled Spike.

"So…did I win?" She asked excitedly. Spike's defeated grown was all the answer she needed.


	29. Chapter 24

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"You still up love?" Spike asked drowsily.

"Yeah. Do you want me to turn the light off? I can study with a flashlight," Buffy offered.

"It's okay. But you should get some sleep. It's late."

"I thought vampires slept during the day and stayed up at night," Buffy said. "Shouldn't you be wide awake?"

"You know I'm not like other vamps love. Besides, training with you all day wore me out. You've improved so much."

Buffy blushed at Spike's compliment. "I know I'm getting better. But I'm still worried. I mean, I've been training for a while. But the big showdown is tomorrow. I'm scared. There are still some parts of the Tri that don't make any sense. What if Malcah uses skills that I don't have because I don't understand them."

"Then we'll help out. Giles, Willow, Xander and I are all behind you. We're going to make sure that you get through this and that you win. So put down your book, turn off the light and-"

"I know, I know, get some rest," Buffy said with a sigh.

"Actually, I was going to tell you to get your cute ass over here. I have a sure way to work off some of your nervous energy," Spike said, smirking as Buffy compiled with his wishes.

Buffy fell asleep several hours later. Rested, relaxed, and with a content smile on her face.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Is everyone okay with their job?" Buffy asked.

"For the final time Buffy, we all understand our jobs," Xander answered.

"Don't worry so much. Everything is going to be fine. Malcah is the big bad and you are the heroine. You're obviously going to win. Everyone knows it," Willow assured the Slayer with a comforting pat on her arm.

"Thanks Wills. I know you guys have got my back" Buffy said with a smile.

"So, are we ready?" Spike asked, entering the library with a large sword in hand.

"Yup. Is Giles coming?" Buffy asked, catching the sword Spike tossed her.

"He was right behind me. Last I saw him the ten stakes he had been carrying fell out of his hand and he was scrambling to pick them up without dropping the other ax that was in his other hand," Spike said with a chuckle.

Buffy gave him a reproachful look. "And you didn't think that he could use a little help picking them up?"

"Nah, it's funnier to see the old man scramble around on the floor," Spike answered, not noticing the look that the Slayer was giving him. The other Scoobies rolled their eyes and Giles entered the room, stakes and ax in hand.

"Sorry everyone, I had a bit of a delay," He said with a pointed look in Spike's direction.

"It's okay," Buffy said with a smile in Spike's direction, unable to stay angry at Spike for long. "So, everyone grab a stake and let's head to the cemetery. We only have fifteen minutes until Malcah should be there."

"Let's rock," Xander said on his way out of the library. The Scoobies turned to stare at him. "Or not," He added sheepishly. Willow snickered as the group headed towards the cemetery.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"I can't believe it. She's not here! All the signs said she'd be. I've been studying the Tri and it seems to think she'll be here. And nothing! The bitch decides not to show!" Buffy exclaimed angrily.

"Buffy calm down," Giles reprimanded. "The fact that Malcah isn't here could mean a number of terrible things. She may have figured out that we have information on her and decided to change her plans. Or she may be somewhere else. Or-"

"Or she may just be late," Malcah said, hopping down from where she stood on top of a nearby mausoleum. "I'm sure you know what a bitch walking in heels is. It took me a little longer than I'd expected."

"Glad you decided to show. I was getting kind of bored just standing around."

"Eager to die Slayer?" Malcah asked.  
"Eager to kill you," Buffy responded. And the fight was on.

Buffy held a sword tightly in her right hand. Malcah, however, was unarmed. Still, the Slayer knew not to underestimate the vampire just because she carried no weapons. Malcah waited for Buffy to attack and was not disappointed as the Slayer rushed towards Malcah, jump kicking her in the stomach. Malcah reeled backwards, giving Buffy a chance to thrust her sword towards her. However, Malcah rolled to the side in time to avoid the Slayer's blow and was soon back on her feet, surprising Buffy with a roundhouse kick that she narrowly dodged. At first Buffy was pleased with how the fight was going. She figured that studying the Tri must have paid off as she was managing to hold her own against a fighter who was clearly more experienced. However, as Buffy began to tire Malcah gained the upper hand. At first, the Slayer wondered why her friends were jumping in to help her. However, a brief scan of the graveyard let her know that Malcah had brought followers and her friends were tied up dealing with them. She was alone.

At some point during the fight Buffy's sword had fallen out of her hand. Spotting it lying next to a nearby tombstone the Slayer raced towards it. Malcah was too fast. She had the sword in hand before Buffy could blink. Punching Buffy in the face and then following that up with a spiraling kick sent the Slayer to the ground in front of a still standing Malcah. Buffy panted for breath, while she tried to find the strength to get to her feet. Blood dripped from her face and stomach. Buffy didn't even know when she had received the wounds. The only thing she was aware of was Malcah towering over her, sword in hand. She was all alone.

"You stupid mortals," Malcah said, a disgusted look on her face. "Even you, Slayer. You serach for the Tri. A book you hope will tell you the secrets of how to defeat me. You hope it will teach you what you need to know to win this fight. Don't you get it? The Tri is merely paper. And this sword…" Malcah bent the sword in half and cast it to the side, "…metal. It was forged and it can be destroyed. So can you. But don't worry sweetheart. It will only hurt for a minute." Kneeling next to Buffy on the ground Malcah lifted the Slayer chin so that Buffy was looking strait into her eyes. She vamped out, her yellow eyes blazing before twisting the Slayer's head to the side, exposing her unmarred neck and sinking her fangs into it. Buffy's world went black.


	30. Chapter 25

__

Dying was weird, Buffy decided. She could feel the pounding of her heart slowing, and feel the blood rushing from her neck into Malcah's mouth. Altogether it was not an unpleasant experience. Sure there was a slight twinge of pain associated with every pull of her blood. But there was also a feeling of contentment, like she was going home. The feeling in her legs, arms, fingers and toes left her body and the Slayer's head fell limply onto Malcah's lap. She had one last coherent thought before death took her.

Spike

Malcah had posed no threat to Spike. Powered purely by adrenaline he had thrust a stake into her back and watch with satisfaction as she turned to dust. Then his attention had been focused solely on the Slayer. The fact that he could no longer hear her heart beating didn't phase him. After all, his heart no longer beat and he was still existing. What worried him was the fact that the heat that usually radiated from her skin was no longer there. In fact, her limbs were all ice cold.

"Wake up baby. Come on sweetness, open your eyes," Spike pleaded. Tears obscured his vision as he cradled Buffy's head on his lap and rocked her gently. "Come back to me love, don't leave me." Spike raised his eyes heavenward and for the first time since he was turned he prayed.

It wasn't much of a prayer. It was a single word. It had nothing to do with god or angels or mercy or salvation. It had everything to do with his heart. Spike whispered "please," and somewhere, someone heard his plea, because the Slayer's heart began to beat.

Buffy didn't know why she was awake again, but she knew she was. That was the first thing she became aware of. The second was the fact that she was being held and rocked by strong arms. "Spike," The Slayer murmured softly.

"I'm here baby," Spike assured her. "I'm here and you're here with me. You're gonna be okay." Spike ran his fingers gently over the bite mark that adorned Buffy's neck.

"I hurt," She whispered.

"I know sweetness. I'm gonna' get you inside. You're gonna' be okay." Spike lifted Buffy off the ground and carried her away from the graveyard. Giles, Xander and Willow followed a few feet behind. It was a testament to how oblivious the residents of Sunnydale were that no one out of their homes remarked on how strange it was to see four people walking through the streets, weapons in hand.

It was nearly dawn when Spike got Buffy inside their hotel room. He had sent Giles, Willow and Xander home with assurances that Buffy would be all right. She was alright. Since her heart had began beating once more it had stayed steady and strong, and her limbs had warmed up. She was okay. His girl was brave and strong. She was going to be just fine. He knew it. It was just, seeing her lying on the ground, dead, had done a number to him. Spike kissed Buffy's forehead gently and then crawled into bed next to her. Wrapping his arms around her in a protective embrace he began to cry.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"You were dead," Spike whispered.

"I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere. Malcah's gone and I'm here with you," The Slayer assured her lover.

"I love you so much," Spike whispered.

"I know baby. I love you. Forever," Buffy said, before drifting off into sleep.

"And after," Spike whispered and then followed his love into slumber.


	31. Guilt II

"So, what's new with you?" Willow asked Buffy, "Date wise, I mean."

"Nothing much. I haven't had a date since Tom. Xander's still pushing for it, but I don't think I can. It's too hard," Buffy confessed.

"But you were doing so well. You have seemed so happy these last few weeks. I mean, I know you miss him, but you seem like you're moving on."

"I told you before Wills, I can't fall in love again," Buffy reminded her friend.

"I just want you to be happy, you know that. And I met someone in my theater class that I think you'll enjoy spending time with."

"Enough about me. Stop with the date pressure. It's time to talk about you. How's life in Oz and Willow land?" Buffy asked, eager to have a chance to switch the topic of conversation.

"Good," Willow said with a blush.

"We were dating for so long, and then when we broke up I felt like a part of me was missing. And now, we've been back together for two months and it's like no time has passed. I'm so happy."

"Good. You deserve hapiness."

"So do you," Willow told the Slayer.

"You really want me to go out on another date?" Buffy asked with a sigh.

"I really do," Willow replied.

"Fine, I will then," Bufy agreed. "It's just…every time I go out on a date I feel so…"

"Sad?" Willow supplied.

"Guilty," Buffy confessed. "I feel guilty."

*************************

__

"So, is this goodbye?" Willow asked, trying in vain to keep tears from her eyes.

"Just for now," Buffy assured her friend. "It's not like I'm dead or anything."

"Not anymore," Willow said. "And don't even joke about that. You have no idea how scared we all were."

"I know Wills. But enough about me. You have a hot date tomorrow night with Oz and I want you to call me as soon as it's over and tell me all about it."

"I will," Willow promised.

"Is it my turn for hugs and good-bye's," Xander insisted, edging past Willow and folding Buffy into his arms.

"The same date rule goes for you," The Slayer told Xander. "As soon as you and the lovely Miss Cordelia Chase get home you call me. I'm gonna' miss you so much," Buffy told Xander.

"Wills and I will call you everyday. I promise," Xander said.

Buffy turned her attention towards the only other occupant of the room. "You gonna' give me a hug too Giles?" She asked.

Giles murmured something under his breath before tentatively placing his arms around the Slayer. However, Buffy would have none of it and used her superior strength to pull Giles into a tighter hug. "If you need anything at all you call us," Giles told Buffy.

"Same goes for you guys. Spike and I will come running if you tell us you're having demon problems," Buffy assured the watcher.

Giles smiled fondly at Buffy and squeezed her hand gently before she turned and exited the library.

Spike was waiting in the parking lot and drove off towards LA as soon as Buffy hopped into the car.

"You okay baby?" He asked. Buffy's quite sniffs were Spike's only reply. He pulled Buffy closer to him and allowed her to settle her head on his shoulder.

"It was nice…having friends again," Buffy told Spike.

"Hey love, maybe one day, after you're finished high school we'll move to Sunnydale," Spike suggested.

"Yeah, once we kill all the demons in LA," Buffy said with an accompanying eye roll.

"You never know sweetness. I'm just saying don't cash in your chips in yet. After all, you came back from the dead. Anything's possible."

Buffy smiled and snuggled closer to Spike, more content then she had felt earlier, "With you anything's possible," She whispered and then drifted off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 26

__

Buffy looked at the face of her sleeping lover. Pale and perfect. His eyes were closed revealing his long honey brown eyelashes. His cheekbones seemed less defined. His entire face was relaxed. During the day you could see everything he felt clearly painted on his face. He would clench his teeth when she did something reckless. Every time she rushed into a vamp nest she would glance at Spike and take pleasure in the look of worry that crossed his face. 

His eyes were probably the most expressive part of his face. She could always feel them on her, watching her. When she did manage to catch him staring at her his eyes would be looking at her with a mix of complete longing and adoration. And when he smiled at her. That was the best expression. His eyes would light up and he'd flash a smile at her. Not a mocking smirk, not a grin, a full blown smile. The smile was hers like he was. He was hers.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked, eyes still closed.

"Oh, I didn't realize you were awake. I thought-" Buffy stuttered

"You okay baby?" Spike asked, propping himself up on one elbow and turning so that he was facing the Slayer completely.

Buffy didn't answer Spike right away, silently debating whether or not she should tell him what had been on her mind lately.

"Spike, are you mine?" Buffy asked, not looking at the Vampire, rather tracing imaginary lines on his face with her fingernail.

Spike caught Buffy's hand in his. "Of course."

"You know what you were saying yesterday on the phone?" The Slayer asked.

"To Giles?" Spike asked, recalling the conversation he'd had with the watcher. He had been explaining the finer points of vampire mating to Giles.

Oh

"Buffy. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. Vampires don't have to be mated to be in a serious relationship. And one with a vampire and a human, a slayer nonetheless is so unheard of that-"

"Will you be my mate?" Buffy asked, cutting Spike off.

"Okay. Maybe I didn't know what you were going to say."

"I've been thinking about it since yesterday. I know I love you, and I know you love me. I want to be yours, and you be mine. I want to be mated to you," Buffy announced. An awkward silence fell over the room. "Spike. Please say something," Buffy begged in a whisper.

"I've gotta' go," Spike mumbled. He rolled of the bed and stumbled about Buffy's room in search of his clothes. Pants. He needed pants.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked softly.

"Out for a smoke. I'll be back later," Spike announced, pulling on his pants and buckling his belt. He walked out of Buffy's room leaving the door partially opened.

Buffy walked through the day in a trance. The sun had risen and Spike still hadn't returned. When she returned from school he wasn't at her apartment lounging on the lazy boy chair or in the kitchen making hot chocolate. He wasn't at the training room either. She didn't have the heart to check his….home. Buffy even hesitated to use the term home. He hadn't stayed there for over a month, always falling asleep spooned against her in bed.

"I'm sure he's fine Buffy," Willow assured her friend over the phone.

"Well he won't be when I'm done with him," Buffy muttered.

"Buffy, you know you're not really angry at him. You're just worried."

"No. Trust me. I know what anger feels like and this is definitely it. He left me Willow! He got a little scared of commitment or something and he walked out," Buffy complained. "No note telling me when he'd be back. No-"

"Commitment?" Willow questioned. "I thought you said you guys just had a fight. What do you mean commitment?"

"I kind of…broughtuptheideaofmating," Buffy said quickly.

"Wait. Back up. Slow down. Repeat." Willow commanded.

"I asked him if he maybe wanted to be my mate," Buffy confessed.

"Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Wills. Not your fault. I guess we weren't as serious as I thought. I mean, I know we haven't been dating for too long. But we've known each other for a while. It's not like we just met. We get along well, and we love each other. At least…I thought…" Buffy shut her eyes tightly as tears began to roll down her cheek. "I feel like I'll die without him," The Slayer confessed.

"Oh sweetie, he's only been gone a few days. Give him time. He loves you."

"I know Wills. I better go," Buffy said.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye Willow. And thank you."

Buffy placed the phone gently back on its cradle. She stumbled to her bed and lay down, still dressed. Hugging a pillow to her chest the slayer pretended that she was snuggled into Spike's strong embrace.

"Spike. I love you so much," Buffy whispered. Her only answer was the sound of the afternoon breeze rustling the trees.

"Hey love," Spike said, coming through the door of the Slayer's apartment. Buffy jumped up from where she was sprawled out in front of the TV.

"I'm so happy to see you," The Slayer admitted, putting aside her anger at being abandoned and embracing Spike tightly.

"I was only gone for a few days pet. No reason to get your knickers in a twist."

"Is something wrong?" Buffy asked tentatively. "I mean, you left me, just left the apartment days ago. And now you're back acting like you never left."

"I've just been thinking about some things these past few days," Spike said.

"Like?"

"Like I don't think it's a very good idea for us to keep dating."

"What?" Buffy asked.

"We've been going out for a while, and it's been great. I've had fun,"

"Fun," Buffy repeated, emotionlessly.

"Yeah, fun. But I think we've been getting too serious too quickly. I think we should take a little break. See other people. Go back to the way things were before we started dating," Spike said.

"What, loving each other and not admitting it?" Buffy asked angrily.

"If that's what it takes," Spike said. He regretted the harsh tone of his speech as soon as he saw the tears form in Buffy's eyes. "Look baby, just trust me. This will be better for both of us."

"We're breaking up?" Buffy asked, her mind still not processing the fact.

"I'm sorry my love. I'm sorry Buffy," Spike whispered. The Slayer's eyes closed as Spike trailed his knuckles down her cheek gently. "I better go. I'll see you tomorrow for training. Bright and early."

"Bright and early," Buffy repeated, voice hollow. She watched, as if in a dream as Spike crushed his lips to hers harshly and then quickly pulled away and strode to the door, leaving the Slayer's apartment without his duster. She stood stationery for what seemed like hours. The she fell to the floor, sobs wracking her small frame.


	33. Chapter 27

__

Over the next few weeks Buffy and Spike attempted to reestablish a relationship similar to the one they had shared before they had began dating. But there was no easy banter during patrols and training. Instead time spent together was filled with awkward silences. Neither brought up what had happened. They just accepted that it was over. Buffy never mentioned that all of Spike's things had vanished from the apartment. Spike didn't comment when he saw bags under her eyes. It was no longer his concern how well she was sleeping. Then one chance meeting broke down the emotional barriers they had put up.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," Chad said.

"I had a pretty good time too," Buffy admitted.

"I haven't dated since my girlfriend and I broke up, so I'm glad to hear that I'm still an okay date," Chad admitted.

Buffy smiled, "You were a wonderful date. My boyfriend and I just broke up a few weeks ago and I wasn't sure if I was ready to start dating again. But after tonight I'm pretty sure that I made the right decision."

The couple strolled up to Buffy's apartment building. 

"So…" Chad mumbled awkwardly.

Buffy gulped. "Do you want to come inside?"

"I don't really think-" Chad began awkwardly.

"I make a mean hot chocolate," Buffy said with a grin. "And I'm not ready for the night to end yet."

Chad nodded in agreement and allowed Buffy to lead him upstairs to her apartment. Just as she reached into her purse for her keys the door opened. Spike stood inside her apartment.

"Buffy, I'm glad you're back. I need to…" Spike trailed off.

"Spike!" Buffy exclaimed in surprise. "I didn't expect you to be here."

Spike arched an eyebrow. "So, care to introduce me to your friend?"

"Um, yeah…Spike this is Chad. Chad, my friend Spike," Buffy said.

Chad reached out his hand for Spike to shake. He promptly ignored it. "Well, sorry to interrupt your date love, but I have something important I need to talk to you about."

Buffy rolled her eyes and then turned to Chad. "Let me guess," He said. "You have to end our date."

"I'm really sorry. Rain check on the hot chocolate."

Chad nodded. "I'll call you Buffy. I had a really good time and I'm fuly expecting a world famous cup of hot chocolate."

Buffy waved goodbye to Chad and stepped inside her apartment. She shut and luck the door behind her. Spike was reclining on her couch.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Buffy asked, pulling an ottoman in front of the couch to sit on.

"Oh no, don't even try and distract me. After all your talk of wanting to be mates and loving me this is what you do?" Spike asked, his jaw set firmly in anger.

"I'm not doing anything wrong. In case you forgot, we broke up!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Yeah, three weeks ago. I thought it would take you a little longer then that to forget about me."

"I didn't forget about you. I'm trying to move on! And besides, you're the one who broke up with me."

"Because I was trying to do the right thing…because I wanted you to be happy…not because I stopped loving you!" Spike yelled.

"You…you still love me?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

Spike laughed softly, "No." At Buffy's forlorn look he changed his answer. "Yes."

"Why did you break up with me then? Things were going so well. We were so happy."

"You wanted to be my mate. And I wanted to be yours. I wanted it more than anything in th world. But I don't want you to have regrets. Because I love you so much, I can't stand to think of my love causing you pain," Spike explained.

Buffy shook her head in confusion. "How would being your mate hurt me? How would knowing you love me ever cause me pain?"

"Because mating is more serious than you realize. And I know that you love me, and you know that I love you, but mating goes beyond that. It has only been done between a vampire and a human once, and it didn't end well."

"What happened?" Buffy asked.

"The human died. Her mate was devastated and went insane."

"Oh," Buffy whispered. "But maybe that wouldn't happen with us. Maybe it would be worth it just to be together for a little while. If I only have a little bit of time on earth, I want it to be spent by your side."

"Buffy, listen to me. You need-" Spike began.

"No, you listen! Not being with you has been hell. I've tried my hardest to get over you. But I can't! I will always love you."

"And I'll always care about you Slayer, but-" Spike began, only to be cut off by a still ranting Slayer.

"I thought we meant something to each other. I thought you understood me. But obviously I was wrong. Because if you understood me you'd know that when I love I do it with my entire soul. And when I fell in love with you I gave my soul away to you. So yeah, I'll pass the time with some guy. But that's all it is, passing the time. Because it's still all about you. You still have my heart." When Buffy finished a single tear was running down her cheek. Spike hesitantly raised a hand to her cheek and brushed it away.

"I just wanted to do what was best for you. You're all I think about. And I don't want to rush into anything. I don't want you to have any regrets. But if you think you're ready to be my mate for all eternity, then I am ready to be yours," Spike said.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy Summers, woman of my dreams and love of my unlife, will you do me the honor of becoming my mate?" Spike asked, staring strait into the Slayer's eyes, a look of pure adoration on his face.

"Yes," Buffy whispered.

Spike gave her a cocky smile, "I thought that's what you'd say." For the first time since they had broken up the sound of laughter filled the Slayer's apartment.


	34. The Second Coming

_"Hey you," Buffy whispered softly, running a gentle hand over Spike's cheek._

_"Good morning love. Sleep well?" Spike asked._

_"Better then I have in a long time," Buffy confessed. "I'm so happy."_

_"Me too.__ I like being back here. In your bed…with you." Spike fingered the freshly made scar on Buffy's neck gently. The mark that he had made the night before. The mark that bound the two as mates for eternity._

_"Do we ever have to get up?" Buffy asked._

_"Sadly, patrolling calls."__ Spike made a move to get out of bed. However, with coy smile, Buffy decided to show Spike exactly why he should stay in bed._

_ Buffy plunged her stake into a fledgling vampire and watched as he turned to dust. "That makes the final stake count four - me, and two - you," Buffy noted with smug satisfaction._

_"You only won because I let you have them. It doesn't count!" Spike protested._

_"Not true. You were so busy playing with your vamps that you missed some golden staking opportunities. In conclusion," Buffy paused dramatically, stepping onto a tombstone and flinging her arms open, "I won!"_

_ "Playing games with a vampire," mocked a voice neither Buffy nor Spike recognized, "That's not very slayer-like."_

_Suddenly ready for a fight Buffy jumped off the tombstone onto solid ground. "Who's there?" The Slayer asked._

_A young woman stepped out of the shadows and came towards the pair. Her dark brown hair fell just below her shoulders. A red tank top accented her harlot red lips, and tight blue jeans hugged her wide hips. A leather jacket completed the ensemble. "I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer."_

_Buffy paused for several seconds. Then burst out laughing._

_"Hey," Faith said, taking a step back from the laughing Slayer. "I knew you wouldn't believe me. And hey, if I were in your shoes," she spared a glance at Buffy's scuffed up leather books and muttered, "which I wouldn't be caught dead in," before continuing, "If I were in your shoes I wouldn't believe me either. That's why on my way past Sunnydale I got Giles to write this." Faith extended her hand and gave Buffy a sealed envelope. Buffy opened the letter and read the contents quickly._

_Dear Buffy,_

_ I trust that I find you in good health and in as much safety as your occupation allows for. I know that if you are reading this letter Faith has arrived in __Los Angeles__. Indeed, she is a Slayer just like you. Apparently, she was called when you died and has been slaying in __Cleveland__ since that time. Please assist her to the best of your ability._

_Yours,_

_Rupert Giles_

_"Well," Buffy said, folding the letter and putting it in her back pocket. "I'm guessing you have something important to tell me, so spill."_

_"We have a problem," Faith said, confirming Buffy's suspicions. "Have you ever heard of Angelus."_

_At the sound of his sire's name Spike's head snapped toward Faith. "Angelus, he shouldn't be causing you any problem. Last I heard he got a soul."_

_Faith looked at Spike for the first time that evening. "He lost it. There was a curse. One moment of true happiness would turn him back into the monster he was before he got the soul. He was living in Cleveland, helping me slay when he lost his soul. Now he's back to his old tricks. He left Cleveland and I'm pretty sure he's coming here, probably to try and kill Buffy. I need your help to take him down."_

_Buffy planted her hands firmly on her hips and looked strait into Faith's eyes. "We'll help you." She assured her sister slayer._

_"No!" Spike exclaimed. Causing the already strained mood to darken further. "I…I can't. Angelus is my sire. There are grave penalties for killing your sire. I'll do all I can in leading you to him, but I can't be much help in the actual showdown."_

_"It's okay," Buffy said, reassuring Spike with a smile. "I think Faith and I can handle the kill. You'll have to be the brains for this mission."_

_"I'm always the brains love," Spike teased, referring to Buffy's colorful educational record. Buffy's lips twitched and she glared playfully at Spike before turning her attention back to Faith._

_"You can stay with me, Faith, until we get this whole Angelus mess figured out."_

_Faith nodded and trailed behind Buffy and Spike as the pair led the way to Buffy's apartment._


	35. Eulogy

_ "Sorry I don't have something better then the couch for you to sleep on. I don't have company very often." Buffy explained as she placed a pillow on the couch._

_"Hey," Spike pouted. "I'm company."_

_"You're not company," Buffy argued with an eye roll. She hit Spike softly on the head with the pillow she had recently placed on the couch. "You're a live-in pest."_

_Faith smiled at the couples antics. "I'm okay on the couch. Believe me, I've slept on worse.'_

_Buffy smiled softly. "Can I ask you a question?" Faith nodded. "How did Angelus lose his soul?"_

_An awkward silence settled over the room before Buffy broke it. She slapped her hand against her mouth. "I can't believe I just asked that. I'm so sorry."_

_"No. It's okay" Faith insisted. She took a deep breath. "I loved Angelus. We slept together, and he lost his soul. I didn't even realize it was gone until…" Faith trailed off._

_"I'm sorry," Buffy said. _

_Faith shrugged. "Men. They're all have inner demons. My man's is just a little more obvious at the moment."_

_"All men aren't monsters," Buffy protested._

_"Ever the faithful girlfriend," Spike said with a smile before retreating into the bedroom._

_Faith waited until he was out of ear shot before speaking once more. "Sorry to bursts your bubble B, but even your lover-vamp over there has a dark side. He might have a soul. But-"_

_"He doesn't."_

_"Huh?"_

_"A soul," Buffy clarified. "He doesn't have one. He doesn't need one. He does good things because he wants to. Because he knows I want him to."_

_"So this powerful vampire controls his demon because a slayer, the killer of his kind tells him to," Faith stated in disbelief._

_"Yes."_

_"Well color me impressed. There's actually a man out there worth loving."_

_"There are lots of great men in the world Faith." The dark haired Slayer snorted in disbelief._

_"Trust me," Buffy insisted. "I've read about them."_

_Faith laughed. A sound Buffy figured hadn't escaped the dark haired slayer's lips in quite some time. "You should get some rest. We'll tackle Angelus come next nightfall."_

_Faith smiled. "Okay. I'll be on the couch. Oh, and give Spike a message for me."_

_"Sure."_

_"Try and keep it down tonight. I can do without the soundtrack of moans and groans."_

_Buffy blushed deeply, hiding her face in her hands as she made her way to her bedroom, leaving Faith alone to get some rest. However, sleep was the last thing on the Slayer's mind. Grabbing two of Buffy's stakes she crept quietly from the apartment, heading towards the nearest cemetery. She would find Angelus and end this tonight. Before someone else got hurt._

_ Buffy woke in the middle of the night with a start. Wrapping herself in a terry cloth robe she slid her feet into a pair of bunny slippers and flicked on the overhead light._

_"What's going on love?" Spike asked with a yawn._

_"I don't know," Buffy murmured. "Something's wrong, though." She left her bedroom and turned on the living room light. The blankets Buffy had left on the couch for Faith were neatly folded and obviously untouched. Buffy rushed into the kitchen and then checked the bathroom, but Faith was nowhere in the apartment._

_Spike stumbled out of their bedroom, a sheet wrapped around his waist._

_"Where's Faith?" He asked._

_"I think she went out. I think she went to find Angelus."_

_"We have to find her," Spike declared forcefully. "She won't stand a chance against him alone." Spike dropped the sheet from around his waste and stumbled back into the bedroom. Buffy followed him and the pair quickly dressed, Spike forgoing a shirt, and Buffy lacing up her sneakers with only one sock on._

_Unfortunately, it was too later. Buffy opened her apartment door, a stake in her hand, only to find Faith sprawled out on the hallway floor. The Slayer was naked, a stake pierced her heart. There were no puncture wounds on her neck. Still, it was obvious that this perversion of Faith's body was Angelus' doing._

_"She's dead," Buffy declared after a few moment's silence._

_"Yeah," Spike agreed._

_"What should we do with the body?" Buffy asked, oddly practical._

_"I'll take care of it."_

_"I'm gonna' go to sleep."_

_"I'll be back late."_

_"Yeah."_

_Spike kneeled on the ground for a moment and rose holding Faith's body in his arms. He kissed Buffy gently, their lips barely touching._

_"Stay inside until I come back my love." _

_Buffy closed the apartment door and Spike walked down the hall. When he reached the end of the hall he added as an afterthought, "and Don't invite anybody inside." _

_The Slayer didn't hear him._


	36. Chapter 36

_ Buffy flipped through the channels on the TV. Spike had gone patrolling alone. Faith's funeral had been earlier that afternoon and Spike thought Buffy could use the night off. Though she appreciated him taking over patrolling duty for her, she couldn't wait for him to return home. As if the powers had heard her wish there was a knock on the door. Buffy scrambled to her feet and rushed over to the door. She unlocked and opened it, expecting to see Spike greeting her with a smile. However, instead stood a tall, dark haired man standing in the hall._

_"Hello," He greeted her. "I'm in the city visiting a cousin and I got lost. I was wondering if I could use your phone."_

_"Of course," Buffy told the man. "Come on in."_

_"Don't mind if I do," He leered._

_ There were a few signs that something was wrong, Spike noted as he approached Buffy's apartment. First, the door was wide open. He could chalk that up to his own forgetfulness. However, he could also hear the faint sound of Buffy's whimper._

_"Buffy!" Spike called as he made his way through the apartment. He checked Buffy's room first, and when he saw that she wasn't there, he checked the bathroom and the living room. There was only one place left to look and Spike took the stake out of his pocket before entering the kitchen. What he saw there would have made his heart stop had it ever been beating._

_ Buffy lay on the counter. A vampire was crouched over her, fangs buried deeply into her neck. Spike couldn't see who the vampire was. All he could see was red. A blinding rage filled him and he stuck his stake into the vampire's back. The vampire retracted his fangs from Buffy's neck and turned around. His vampire mask melted and he turned around. Spike gasped as Angelus, his sire, the one vampire he couldn't kill turned to dust before his eyes._

_ Spike's thoughts turned to Buffy. He caught her right before she slipped off the kitchen counter top. Cradling the Slayer in his arms Spike murmured to her softly as tears leaked from her eyes._

_"You okay baby?" Spike asked._

_Buffy nodded. "He was only here for a few seconds before you arrived. Was that…Was that Angelus?"_

_"He's dust now my love. You don't need to worry about him," Spike assured Buffy._

_Buffy looked at Spike in confusion. "But…how? I thought you said you couldn't kill Angelus."_

_"I can't. If I do-" Spike stopped talking and clutched his hand to his chest._

_"What's wrong?" Buffy asked._

_"Ugh!" Spike groaned, rolling onto the floor. Buffy knelt beside his head._

_"What's going on? Why are you in pain?"_

_"Angelus. He was my sire. Vampires tell stories about what happens when you kill your sire. They say…" Spike gulped, the pain beginning to overcome him. "They say that when you have committed the act of ultimate betrayal. You… .you pay…you pay with your…life…" Spike trailed off. Buffy reached for his hand and held it tightly._

_"Don't worry my love," She whispered. "Tell me what I can do."_

_"Nothing baby. But don't worry. I'll find a way back to you. Death isn't strong enough to keep me from you. No matter what…I will always come for you." Spike tilted his head towards Buffy's and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, before dissolving into dust._


End file.
